A Social Phobe's Adventures in New Mommyhood

depression, heartache, babies, toddlers, and nipples

2008-09-16T18:09:00.002-05:00

Well so far its been the roughest two weeks we could possibly have thought up.

My husband gets laid off two fridays ago. The very next day, as he is at his parents house, his mother's kidneys fail and she is rushed to the hospital right in front of my Stewie.

Now the next week as the doctors say shes not going to make it, I have a total breakdown from postpartum depression. It could not haven been a worse time with my husband back and forth from the hospital, but watching the kids all day long was putting such a strain on me that I literally wanted to either kill them, myself, or run away.

So my mom decided to take me to her house for a week to just get away from everything.

Well that lasted a day, as my husband calls up and says his mom is going to be put in hospice and wont make it a few more days.
So the hour long trip back home began.

The good thing is hes been taking Stewie with him so I only have to deal with the baby. Plus his sister from Indiana is staying with us and Stewie just loves to follow her around so it gives me a huge break.

The baby has decided she doesnt like ANY type of bottle or nipple we give her. Shes taken to the gerber nuk nipples as they are more like breasts, but has decided they are too fast or too slow. nothing in between for this kid. she will either get pissed cuz its too slow. so i give her a faster one. CHOKES, and gets pissed cuz its too fast.

Besides hating meal times, we also hate nap times as well. She would much rather be up watching tv or just being held. Doesnt really like her toys yet.
I have a mei tai which I use while shes sleeping. She hates it when shes awake but its a lifesavor when she doesnt want me to lay her down. Id love to get a moby wrap but those things are way more expensive than a wife of a laid off worker can afford. And making one myself thats a JOKE.

Ah lets see if theres anything else to complain about.
Well hubby's mom has proved all the doctors wrong. She will soon be moved to a nursing home to get the proper physical therapy she needs. Shes still got a lot of fluid on her belly that may go away but will never stop coming because of her failed organs. Its very sad but I hope we get alot more time with her. I am not close with her but very much hoping i can get over my shyness and try.

At church on sunday so many people gave us baby gifts, it was wonderful. I dont know how i will begin to thank everyone. One couple even gave us a $100 certificate to walmart which we happily used for groceries today.
That couple is getting a huge hug on Sunday.

I must go attend to the screamer who ive now named "Bunny"

Hope to talk soon.

Who Gave it?

2008-09-01T18:33:00.002-05:00

My sons favorite question. It doesnt matter what he sees, whether its a toy or a piece of trash, or a car going down the street. Stewie wants to know "who gave it"

Now does he want to know who gave it to him? Who gave it to us? Who gave it to the world? Who KNOWS. He just wants to know where everything came from. Especially things that are his. Any particular toy, he will ask "who gave it" for the millionth time since hes recieved the toy.
At this point I will say "i dunno dear, who gave it?" and he says "Probbly Daddy?" or gramma or pawpaw or even me. Then when I sigh "yes probably" he asks "At the store??"

Meaning everything he see's must have come from someone in our family, and they must have got it from the store.

One more toddler rant for the moment...

Stewie must ask everyone whos with him the same question and get the same exact answer from all of us.
Say he wants to know where we are going if we are in the car. "where we goin to mom?" "to the store dear"
"where we goin to dad? the store?"
and if I answer again, cuz daddy didnt hear him, all hell breaks loose.
"DADDY WHERE WE GOIN TO? THE STORE??? DADDY!!!!"

Ugh.

The new baby is doing well. Gaining weight like a champ. Thats because shes always on the boob. Ive never known true isolation like i do now.
Whenever I tell someone that every waking moment this kid is nursing, they always exclaim "how great!!! shes going to be so healthy!"

Ok these people bug me lots. I agree that nursing is the best thing in the world for babies. But if i had known that id never be putting this kid down again, I would have bottle fed her like i did Stewie. YES hes retarded, but extremely smart also. Its a toss up.

So along with being stressed out over having this leach on my chest 24/7 and dealing with a crazy need to know it all toddler, (who refuses to use the damn potty btw) I also have to deal with the fact that we cant get back on WIC til november. So I cant get back on my anti depressants until then.
So Im absolutely nuts. Depressed, crazy, stressed, pissed, NUTS.
I have never yelled at, spanked, and punished my poor 2 year old so much as I have since the baby came.

Gosh I wish I could type funny stories like i have in the past. I just got a comment from something I posted in April. I re-read the post and it was absolutely hilarious. How funny I can be sometimes.
Right now im just down right depressing!!

2008-06-19T08:15:00.002-05:00

You know your kid is too old to be in diapers when....
You are changing him at the mall, all the while having a two way conversation with him.

I've got nothing today. Not feeling to creative these days.

Potty Training HELL

2008-05-28T15:51:00.003-05:00

I know its time.
I started trying a few weeks ago, I would put some shorts on Stewie without a diaper and he would complain when he felt "HOT" down there... so I knew he peed.

I thought that would entice him to tell me before hand so he could use the potty.
He's used it a few times, here and there, but not without me sitting him on it for a half hour at a time until it comes out.

Today I decided to just do the underwear, and I figured, just one time he pees and it will be all over and the next time he will tell me he wants to go on the potty before he wets himself again. but according to him, its alot funner to pee himself several times, get my awesome reaction, and laugh about it.

I know its basically only day 1 in the official race to potty train my 2 1/2 year old son. But this ONE day has basically driven me to want to run away. How do you mothers do it? He peed on the coffee table twice, the rug once, then sat on the potty til i got more underwear, then peed when he stood up.....

Its like its a little ha ha joke to him.
But hes gonna be 3 in November. Most boys are trained by now right? Or am I doing this all wrong? One friend says Im not trying hard enough, one says let him tell you when hes ready. But I ask him everyday if hes gonna use the underwear and potty today and he says "nope, diaper mama!"
I had to actually force it today, and all I get in return, is spot shot all over myself and the carpet, a pissy windexed coffee table, a load of laundry, and a HAPPY DIAPERED child, oh and my headache...
Did I mention my husband just called and said he wouldnt be home til almost 7 tonight?

sigh.....

Is it OK that he's two and....

2008-05-22T14:20:00.003-05:00

Stewie refuses to be potty trained, although he LOVES running around holding his underwear.

He's two and a half, and still needs bodily contact until he falls asleep for naps and bedtime.

He can't eat cereal with milk, it has to be dry.. or else the milk would end up on his head....

Around other babies, hes gotta be holding on to me, just in case they get too close or try and touch him. (He was never as curious as other babies are about other babies)

He's my permanent wedgie, when Daddy isnt around.

I get lots of "Jen he will be 10 and you will still be feeding him. He will still hide behind you around strangers. He will still need to hold mommy's hand to fall asleep."

If I wasnt having another unplanned baby so soon, none of this would be weighing on me so heavily. But now Im starting to wonder. Is my son too much of a baby, for me to be having another one in August?

Is he going to be ok?

Emotions

2008-05-21T08:23:00.003-05:00

Ive always been loud and one to express my every emotion to anyone who would listen.
Ive always been emotional in every way.

Except, I dont believe quite so much now that I am in my third trimester of pregnancy with this baby.
I cant even watch my soaps without crying during about half of each one. My son thinks Im going insane.
Other than the constant tears, I get angry worse than before. Which is bad enough because Ive always been the disciplinarian in my family when it comes to my son.

You would think Stewie would be scared outta his mind of me lately, but I think he likes getting getting me over excited. I think he likes it waaaaaay too much.

Party in the Park

2008-05-18T08:39:00.002-05:00

Yesterday we went to my best friend's daughter's third birthday party.

It was a beautiful day in the park and the kids got to plant their own flowers in little pots.

Very cute.

I got her daughter a Disney Princess dance pad thingie. I hope she likes it. Shes very into princess stuff. She IS a princess. Very calm quiet and ladylike little girl. My daughter will not be like that. I am not a calm, quiet, ladylike mama. Thats usually what it takes right??

Its probably my own fault my son is loud, obnoxious, and kinda mean. I scream more than he does!!!

Well yesterday was my first day sporting my new blondish (ok orange) hair... I am thinkin I will change it in a few days, but everyone says they like it.. I think they are being nice.....

27 Weeks

2008-05-13T15:14:00.002-05:00

I feel her all the time. It doesnt matter what Im doing, shes moving.
Sometimes after one of her quick naps I feel her stretching. Like one part of her is touching up here and the other down there.

I never felt Stewie move quite this much.
Maybe because I quit all my anti depressants with this pregnancy.

I dont know why I did that. I really resented being pregnant again from the start. We used protection every single time. I hated being pregnant the first time, and this time I had morning sickness until about 4 weeks ago.

Shes so real to me now. It scares me. Until recently I still called her "it" even though Ive known it was a girl for months.
I go through all the baby clothes I get from friends and family and it makes me cry. Not because Im happy. I dont know when or if that will come. I cry because its too much. Too real. I already have my baby.

Pure, Unabashed, CRAZINESS

2008-04-24T16:19:00.002-05:00

Today started out brilliant. Woke up at 8:30, drank some tea, watched some Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Easy enough.
Went to my absolutely wonderful friend's house, because she had some shoes for me to take on my trip, and had to help me learn how to appy makup. (im only 25, you think i know this stuff??)

Back at home is when it started.
My Stewie decided it was Daddy time. Hmmm lets see.. around 11am, we really shouldnt be thinking about Daddy. We should really think about lunch. I took out my half of a subway grinder (sub, hogie, whatever you weirdos call it) cut it in half and began to eat mine. Stewie took one small punie bite, got down, and headed for the door. "I go outside mama"
No dear Im eating, can you wait??? Of course not. The screaming and crying begins.

This is where my friend's voice appears in my head "Jen YOU are the mommy, take control, you are the boss."
Why is that so hard for me? Its not like Im a good mom and I hate hearing my son cry. Maybe its those darn pregnancy hormones or something.
Anyway, we go outside for a few minutes. Check the mail, walk around... I yell when he sits in a pile of broken glass and picks some up, I yell when he stops to "play with the red ants"
Finally I have enough and we go kicking and screaming back into the house.
I have no gas, so we couldnt go for a drive. Now driving is the only thing that puts my kid to sleep now that the paci fairy has come and taken the beloved (by us BOTH) paci to new babies who need it.

So after some crying and rubbing our eyes, I say lets go play in your room. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO is my answer. But hes tired, Im tired, and as long as we just play in there with the lights off for a little while it should recharge us both.

Well as soon as the door shuts behind us, Stewie is laying at the bottom of it, loooking under the doorway, screaming for daddy. Kicking the door yelling at me SCREAMING for daddy.
I say "sweetie, daddy is working and we will see him when he gets home." THAT ALWAYS WORKS. Not today.
I drag my son to the rocker, sit him on my lap, rock, sing, try to hang on as he screams kicks hits and tries to get down and make a run for the door.
So I lay on his bed, which used to intice him to lay with me, play with my hair,talk to me... nice stuff like that, until he fell asleep.
He got on the bed. Kicked me and kicked and kicked and said GET IN THE ROCKING CHAIR MAMA.
Ugh..... so about 2 hours of up and down and screaming for daddy and crying from us both I finally take him down to eye level and say listen (as if he really cared at this point) "mommy is very tired. You are very tired. Lets go sit on the couch and watch tv. You dont talk to me for a little while, just eat a snack and leave me alone while I calm down." "OK mama" Thats the reply I get whether he's lying or not, but I took it.

Well a few minutes on the couch and he wanted not his juice, but MY soda from the fridge. No you have your juice, drink that.
I WANT DADDY. SEE DADDY. WHERES DADDY. then the sobbing comes back. This time from us both.
I call up hubby and I am in sobbing mode and he can barely understand me. I tell him that Im about to kill myself if he doesnt say something to this kid to make him shut up.
So I put him on speaker so he could tell Stewie that he'd be home soon and to just behave for a little while longer. This resulted in a "DADDY WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"
Hubby tells me to take our LAST $10 get some gas, and drive until Stewie falls asleep.
I do, and as soon as I leave the driveway hes sleeping.
Of course I get to the gas station, and I go over a curb, not once but twice, because my eyes are soooooo tired from crying, I pump my gas, forget to shut my gas cap, drive off, stop at the stop sign to get out and shut it, look both ways, go, and almost slam on to oncoming traffic that was NOT there before I looked.
Mommy needed a nap.
I took Sleeping Beauty to the airport lookout, so I could drink my soda, and let him sleep for as long as I could.
I pull in, stop the car, DONT EVEN SHUT IT OFF, when he wakes up from a DEAD sleep and screams "WHERES DADDY, sob sob I WANT DADDY"
So off we go again, and hes out like a light again. I just cant stop anymore. So we drove around for an hour and a half until I knew hubby was home.
Im so exhausted. I swear I have the most understandable husband in the world. He came home, took Stewie outside (after i explained and cried a little more) and now they are spraying for bees or something.
Im seriously considering reinstating the PACI for naps. That would lead to bedtime too. But is that a risk I am willing to take? I dont know, but Im leaning towards yes, just to have SOME piece of mine.
What do you think? Im nuts... Im nuts is what you think.
Theres a little more I need to complain about one more thing Pregnancy PILLOWS. but ill save that for a post later... when i calm down... ugggghghghghghghgh

So Here We Are

2008-04-22T17:22:00.002-05:00

Well hi everyone.
Crazynewmama is back and shes still as crazy as ever. This time, I'd like to blame it on my 2 and a half year old "Stewie," but I have an even better excuse. I am about 5 and a half months pregnant. WITH A GIRL. Scary stuff.
I dont like kids. I dont even like my own kid most of the time, but girls.. they are evil. Now I wont say all little girls are evil... theres the occasional precious angel out there.. but shes got a good calm mature mama too.
Me? Im nuts, Im mean, I yell too much, and I know too much about what little girls (even the good ones) become.
I dont see a way around having a horrible teenage daughter. It may be years away but it keeps me up at night!
When you have overprotective parents, you rebel, you have sex with boys, you try drugs, you lie lie lie.... When you have parents, like mine, who let you do what you want, then you do all those things and more to get their attention.
I dont know how to be an "in the middle" mother.
Maybe having a halfway sane husband will help. But by then, I will have more than likely driven him completely apecrap nuts along side of me.
"apecrap" you like that? I cant say alot of things anymore... my sons favorite thing to say when he gets pissed is "Christsakes!!!" Did I mention hes 2 and a half? Lovely. Im doing great.
Hes sweet sometimes though. SOMETIMES. It seems that ever since the "paci" disappeared, hes turned into Lucifer himself. Its like the opposite of neutering your male dog. THAT makes them nice and calm and less likely to hump your neighbors leg. You take the paci from a 2 year old and he turns into a rabid pitbull ready to... bite.... your neighbors leg. Well its only been mine so far.
How are you loving my grammar by the way? Good. Glad to hear it.

sheeeeeeeeees baaaaaaack

2008-04-19T22:29:00.002-05:00

Yikes its been over a year.
my kid is two and just as crazy and wacko as ever.
sometimes i feel i need to kill myself. maybe blogging again will cure that?
my laptop just blew the big one, so i actually cant get on here as much as i want to right now.
But i will be letting you know how things are going from time to time.

I would totally enjoy comments from everyone who used to read the blog and still does, and i will go around and re promote this sometime soon so you all know im back.
in the mean time please check out this site i belong to. you make a few extra bucks each month, nothing special, but it gets me by in gas.. which helps in a big huge way.
once i start getting bigger checks, i will post them on here so you guys can believe me that its an earning potential. anyways heres the link, check it out... get yourself some referrals, and see how much you can make in a month. maybe we can start contests or stuff like that.
now that would be fun!

http://cashcrate.com/510031

ps: after you check that out... get this im pregnant again.. gasp... come back often and check out my sorrows!!!!!!!

britney

2007-02-17T21:36:00.000-05:00

Whyever she did it. I dunno.

She's going through a pretty rough personal time.

Most people think shes just plain gone nuts.

I think she's trying to find herself and is having a really hard time.

I will always look for the bright side with Britney. I hope that things start turning around for her. She will find her way. I know she will.

Ah Valentines

2007-02-14T20:48:00.000-05:00

Lots to discuss with you people. I hate that I can never get on here anymore.

For the last week and a half Ive had a major ear infection in both ears. We spent all of our money to get me into an urgent care center saturday morning. I got on some antibiotics. They in turn made me sick to my stomach, so along with painful pounding ears, I was throwing up any semi solid thing that entered my mouth.
Yum.

That went on til about yesterday. Today only one ear still feels as though its under water, and I am still a little sick feeling. And extremely tired.

Um, about three weeks ago, Hunny and I had a nice short little talk about the wedding and well, we cancelled it!
But its a good thing.
Turns out, he was as nervous about the whole being up there in front of everyone you know and saying these vows to eachother, as I was.
And neither of us were too crazy about the whole "everyone-from-out-of-town-stay-in-our-two-bedroom-home" deal.
Sooooooooooooo we are going to run away and get married at the end of April. Maybe spend a few days alone at the beach or something.
Its more personal and less embarassing. I dont know I think its going to be more special this way.
Saying your vows to the one who holds your heart, in front of about two people, its almost like you are alone. We are the only ones who matter on that day anyway and we will feel like it too.

Stewie is a fast running crazy baby!!!
I love his baby jibber jabber. This kid will have a whole entire conversation with you, and all you will understand is "ball" and "paw-paw" and a few "paci's" thrown in there.

He knows when he's about to do something that is wrong, he will go for it slowly, then look back at me and smile, then slowly go for it again waiting for the "NO"
Its hilarious how much of a smart ass he is now.
OOOOH and our poor dog. The little one, she will lay on the floor pillow and if he sees her, he will run over and push her off it and lay on it and smile at me. And god forbid shes on my lap!!
She's always getting pushed out of the way. And now that he knows body parts hes always poking her big chiauahua eyes and grabbing her ears.

Theres so much new stuff he does. Its just nuts. I mean when I started this blog a year ago, I was a scared as hell mother of an infant. A cranky gassy unhappy infant. Its this whole new world now.
A world where I get to blog about once a month. But thats ok. Because I find that there are people who read my blog and leave me too much grief about how I parent my child. Oh yes I leave their comments up, because everyone is entitled to their opinion.
But for you, and I know you are the same one who told me not to complain about my money situation on my own blog, how I decide to put my child down to sleep, does not concern anyone. There are studies that go this way and studies that go that way. You google "cry it out" and tell me that there arent about a hundred and fifty thousand more pages on people against it and telling you the reasons why.
I keep telling myself that a blog is a safe place to share your life and crazyness with the rest of the world to find people like yourself who want to share there lives with you.
But in my case its been alot about people not respecting what I write, and instead of passing by my blog, they come on in and tell me about it. Anonymosly of course, because lets face it, if they left their account name, then I could read their blog, and dispute their ways of doing things. Or I would just be me, and leave it alone.
OH well.

Ive Been Tagged

2007-01-26T09:51:00.000-05:00

Six Weird Things About Jen

RULES: People who get tagged need to write a blog post of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. I love love love Britney Spears
2. I cant stand veggies
3. My best friends are the Gilmore Girls
4. On perticular stressful nights I make baily's and hot chocolate
5. I want to live in Canada
6. I hate nature and rather stay indoors, but i wanted my wedding in a park... now thats weird...

So much to do So little time

2007-01-13T17:33:00.000-05:00

Wedding is in 4 months. Havent gotten invitations. Havent got a reception place. Havent gotten bridesmaids dresses.
Hell, Im lucky I got my dress.
Im such a procrastinator. But its kinda like, oh well, it'll get done eventually. Im not one of those girly my wedding has to be perfect brides. Im not even that excited. Maybe cuz we've been together almost five and a half years. Its just something we are going to do.

Stewie runs around the house like a crazy man now. I never thought he would walk but now that he does... well you know.

Still goes to sleep the same way, I have to sit next to the crib and hold his hand. Someday he will sleep on his own. You know those child developement people keep telling me to let him cry it out. They keep saying it will teach him to be independent. Screw that, he will be more independent if he knows people will be there for him. Theres studies everywhere that say if you let your kids cry it out, or dont come when they really need you, they will grow up to be clingy because they are afraid you wont be there for them. I keep telling these people that I am going to just keep things the way they are and they keep pushing me.

I dont think I want to see them anymore. I mean Stewie has caught up to most kids his age now anyway.

Well the inlaws are coming over for dinner. Fun fun.....

Life

2006-12-26T18:50:00.000-05:00

Life happens.
I just never get a chance to sit down and write anymore.
Which sucks because I really think it helps my stress levels when I get on here and spew forth my junk.

Stewie is almost walking. I figured he'd do that a little late. He takes a few steps to us from the coffee table, or the couch, whatever he's hanging on to. He refuses to let us put him in a standing position though. Has to be of his own will or it aint happening. He's just so comfortable crawling, its almost like he'd much rather do that. But its ok, I'd much rather chase after a crawling baby than a running one at the moment.

He still head butts everything. And now he's started to throw his head back when he gets mad. Sometimes this causes him to fall back with a loud thump, and others he lets his head hang there and starts laughing. Either hes laughing at the ceiling, or the funny feeling he gets to have his head all the way back. He's strange. But its almost like an instant reaction. You piss him off, head goes back. I get scared like he's got a trigger in his head that causes seizures when he gets pissed.

The holidays went good. My mom stayed for christmas. Stewie got bunches of toys for daddy to play with.
We finally have a front facing car seat. Which kind of scares me. Im not the worlds best driver and now if I ever hit the breaks to the floor, I'll give my kid whiplash. He's kinda confused about the whole thing right now. Doesnt quite understand why he can see mommy now. I just dont like how he can throw his toys and see where they go so he can scream for them.

All He Needs is Horns

2006-12-12T21:09:00.000-05:00

Stewie is a little billy goat.
He head-butts everything. From me, to the dogs, to walls, to windows, to bathtubs. You name it, he will head-butt it. Why? I have no idea.

He used to do it to show me lovings when he was tired. Now he does it to everything reguardless of how tired he is.
Sometimes he will do it harder and harder til he cries. Sometimes he will do it really really hard like tonight, on the bathtub, and then laugh his butt off.

Thats my kid....

Baby Of Mine

2006-12-08T22:40:00.000-05:00

I just had one of those "I wish it would last forever" moments.

I went in the baby's room because I heard him whining on the monitor.
I opened the door and saw him sitting up. When he heard me he looked over and just grinned at me. I popped his paci in his mouth and he grinned again. So I scooped up my little man and we sat in the rocking chair. He was out in 2 seconds flat. But I kept on rocking for a little while. I was tempted to wake him up just to see that smile again.

After a rough day of Stewie being.. well Stewie, its really great when I can sit with him in my arms and just love him and realize I wouldnt want him any other way.

Jen Training

2006-12-04T12:24:00.000-05:00

(I hate blogger beta, by the way. GRRRRR)

So I read that book, "No cry sleep solution"

Yeah that kinda is mostly for babies who get up alot during the night. Not much help for getting him down to begin with.

But one good point stuck with me. It said to have "crib time" every day where you play in the crib, so he knows its a safe place to be.

So we've been doing that for a few days.

Last night after our usual bedtime routine, I put Stewie down in the crib, and sat next to it. I expected him to throw an absolute fit, since we tried cry it out last week.

But he actually got all excited and started bouncing around and having a jolly old time. It took an hour and a half, but the kid finally started banging his head against the crib and slowly laying down. I dunno what it is about when my kid is tired but he bangs his head against mine, walls, or the crib, or even the floor. Not hard, but enough to say "hey Im kinda tired here"

So I "Jen trained" him last night.
Now hopefully tonight it will take a little less time, but I think he finally can get to sleep in there without me rocking him and sneaking him in it.
Of coarse I will have to sit there the whole time, but soon, I am hoping I wont even have to do that.

So Mommies, the moral of this story is: follow your gut!!! If crying it out makes you puke like you had breast fed and kept your baby in your pouch like a kangaroo his whole life, then dont do it.
Do things your way. Especially with the first baby. Like Ive always said, the first baby is like the first pancake. You know you are going to screw it up, but you do it anyway so you know better next time.
If that makes sense then you are officially my best friend.

Gotta Love Him

2006-12-02T17:03:00.000-05:00

as heard from the baby's room today...

"Old McFarmy had a pig
Eeeee eeyyyee eeeyyyeeee ooooooooo
with a oink oink here oink oink there
Old McFarmy had a pig
Eeeeee eeyeee eeee eeyyyeee oooooo"

We picked our wedding spot finally. (with less than five months to go ha)
Now we just have to reserve it.

Fevers

2006-12-01T22:15:00.000-05:00

This morning Stewie woke up at the ass crack of dawn. He refused to go back to sleep. So I gave him his bottle and daddy went off to work. Then Stewie decided he had gotten up way too early and we went back to bed.

We woke back up about an hour and a half later. Stewie was burning up. He had a temp of 102.3. So I gave him a big dose of tylenol, and tried to do the liquid thing most of the day. The poor thing wouldnt let me leave his side the whole day. I mean he usually screams when I leave the room and he just has to deal with it. But today he would literally whine like a little lost puppy if I so much as moved in another direction other than towards him.
I got his fever down to 100 by the time he went to bed. Nothing else seems to be wrong with him so its weird. He did take four short naps today instead of 2 extra short naps. But I guess that was the fever wearing him down.
Now Im worn down.
Ive been reading that book "the no cry sleep solution" so far its telling me things I kinda already knew. Its mostly for babies who wake up at night and cant get themselves back to sleep. Im hoping though that if I keep reading it will give me a clue how to get Stewie down for the FIRST time at night by himself. Cuz the second to the tenth times he wakes up he falls right back asleep after I give him back his paci.
So I dunno.

The Big 1

2006-11-26T22:15:00.001-05:00

My baby had his first birthday on Friday.
Saturday was his party.
I was afraid it would be too much for him, but he really had a ball.
We still arent walking yet, but getting closer.
Down to two bottles a day, and the rest milk.
How did Stewie go from a needy, tiny, helpless infant, to this independant, smart, crazy toddler in only a year????

Cake, I like it....

Mama, you gotta try this!!!

Santa Baby....

There Must be Another Way

2006-11-19T20:12:00.000-05:00

Tonight we decided to try letting Stewie cry himself to sleep.
I mean how long can we continue to rock him to sleep?

So Hunny rocked him until he was almost asleep then put him in the crib. He immediately stood up and started screaming. I had Hunny wait three minutes then go in there and lay him down again. He tried shooshing him and calming him down but that wasnt happening. So he left him in there crying and tried to wait 5 minutes. But after two I sent him in there to rock him to sleep.

Then after he was asleep, hunny layed him down and he instantly started screaming thinking he was going to get left again. So he got rocked to sleep again.

I cant take that kind of aweful crying again. I dont know what else to do, but I cant take it.

Ah Sunday

2006-11-12T17:30:00.000-05:00

Its been a busy day.
The dogs got their baths.
The living room got (more) baby proofed.
The washer got fixed. (so dont worry lady, all those people in cyber space who were going to send me a brand new washing machine, wont have to)

Stewie is a clingy little nut lately. Neither of us can leave the room without him freaking out. And when one of us enters the room, he speed crawls over, pulls on our pants to stand up and begs to be picked up.

Also, the few words he used to kinda say, have all been replaced with "da da"
Thats right, everything is da da. Even the dogs. Even me. I got to sleep late this morning, so when I walked into the living room I got greeted by a big loud "Da Da!!!!!!"

Good times....I wonder if Desperate Housewives is new tonight.....

What Is A Blog?

2006-11-11T20:48:00.000-05:00

What is a blog, if not an outlet for your thoughts on your day, or life in general. What is a blog, if you can not express what you are going through, just to get it off your chest?

Maybe we shouldnt write about our kids having colds either. Then some nice person might offer to send us some chicken soup that they werent going to eat.

What is the internet? For me, it is a place to find people in my area, to get to know, to trade items with, and to buy things at a bargain from.
The internet is where I can go if my son is sick, and I need to check out the symptoms. The internet is where I go to find moms around the world, who might be going through something that I am going through.
The internet is something that keeps me sane. If things were as bad as they could be, the internet and cable and junk food would be gone from my home.
But thanks to the internet, and the kindness of people Ive met, my child has things that I could never get him on my budget.

Dont criticize what you dont understand.

I almost didnt think it was necessary to defend myself. But I thought if someone out there is reading this blog, and actually thinking that I am using it for charity, instead of an outlet for my thoughts, they might want a reality check.

Can I complain for a Moment?

2006-11-08T18:55:00.000-05:00

Yes I know its been forever.
With a crazy kid, greasy hair, and too much ramen noodles in a week, you really dont feel like going on the computer.

Stewie has developed this warped sense of humor. Its funny to him when we say no. "Dont bang your head on that" ~smile~ SMACK~ "Stewie, NO that hurts you" ~smile~SMACK~ "k fine do what you want....."

And you can forget kissing the kid. You go to kiss him and you get head butted as hard as he can. Then he cracks up. And he does it for love too. Ill be sitting next to him, he will look up at me with those big blue eyes, smile, and go in for the kill. BANG! "heh love ya mommy"

For two days now, he hasnt wanted solid foods. AFter like I dont know what 8 months of solids, he no longer wants any? He will take a few bites, then spit one out very slowly, and look at me, and then just let it fall. Sometimes if I yell loud enough he will suck it in, but wont take any more bites.
I dont know when the hell Im supposed to start weening him off of bottles. My quack of a pediatrician hasnt told me shit. He's almost 1 so Im assuming I should start cutting down on bottles during the day and just feed him more and give him more juice. Which is fine but all he wants is juice and baba's and forget everything else gets spit out. Even his crackers which he loves. I swear hes acting like this to spite me. Its that look in his eyes...

So besides my kid going completely nuts, (or is that me?) things around here SUCK.
Remember someone once saying "all you need is love" yeah well he was stinkin rich.

The washer broke yesterday. This washer is one year old. Its done for. Thats no washer, no toaster, and no clothes for tiny tim this winter.
I swear to GOD if one of us gets hurt we are totally SCREWED. I mean seriously its like we are the Cratchets this year. I dont know who MR Screwge is, but he better friggen get in the xmas spirit and get us a turkey or something.

You know you never really realize how you've got it made before you have kids. We had rough times before, but this is just one step above dirt poor right here. If anyone out there wins the lottery, think of us dear friends lol. Im not kidding.
We might have to eat one of the dogs for thanksgiving... Even though Gwynnie is the smaller of the two, she drives me the most crazy.... so roasted chiauhaua it is!!! You've had your last yelp little lady!!!! Pass the dark meat over here....

Oh and you sweet sweet lady who offered to help me find clothes for Stewie. Please email me. Jenbroni82@yahoo.com
Its people like you who truely make me believe that the human race isnt full of jerks. Just half full....

Ah

2006-11-03T21:28:00.000-05:00

Just got some new pictures of my nephew tonight. Looks just like his mama.
I cant believe my little sister had a baby. I wish I wasnt so worried. I know how I handle things around here and Im nuts. And shes just got this immature thing going on and Im just scared that she might lose it when he gets really fussy. But who knows. She could end up being the best mama ever...

I started therapy yesterday morning. We didnt get into much, just the goals I want to accomplish. She seemed kind of "fake" nice. But of coarse I think everyone is that way with me. Im paranoid. OOooooooooo paranoia.. thats another thing to put on the list lol. And I worry about EVERYTHING. hmmmm making new list of goals in my mind.....

Anyways. Stewies favorite thing to do during the day is still crawling over to the window and standing up, banging on it with a various toy or object, and screaming da da da da da da.
And when "da da" finally gets home hes like a crazy maniac. He gets picked up and refuses to let the man take a shower for like ten minutes. He just wants hunny to hold him. They cant sit down either, they have to walk around the house lol. Then when hunny finally does leave for the shower, I am left with a screaming pile of unconsolable baby. Not fun for me.
We have our bonding moments, but this kid is definately a Daddy's boy right now.
He got his flu shot today. Thats probably why he was such a bitchy little monster for me this afternoon. And he refused to eat supper. Refused to eat half his bottle. Poor thing, i hate it when he has to go to bed hungry, but he was so exhausted.

Dylan Joseph

2006-10-29T22:40:00.000-05:00

After 23 hours of labor and 2 epiderals, an emergency c-section, my nephew was born tonight. I didnt get to talk to my sister on the phone, but I got a picture emailed to me from my cousin. Kinda looks like Stewie when he was born, but mostly looks just like my sister....

He's a Little Slow....

2006-10-28T17:50:00.000-05:00

So Stewie is mostly on track with his motor skills. For a ten month old. Which is good because he was born a month early.
He talks alot, alot of gibberish, but didnt talk alot when the ladies were here, and they said that hes got a 5 month olds vocabulary.. which could be true. I dont know.
I think he just likes speaking in tongues so we never know what hes saying about us!

Stewie still cant hold his own spoon, or cups, so some lady is gonna come twice a month for an hour each time, and help me out with helping him out. Its great, the government totally pays for this. Plus a little from his insurance.

So on thursday I had to go to the store with my son, and buy diapers with quarters and dimes. To top that off, he's got no pants that fit a baby over three months old. So he's gotta wear pajamas with a sweatshirt over them everywhere we go. Its pitiful. Hes got nothing to wear for winter. We are going to go to a thrift store and get him some clothes, we are just waiting for a week that we arent poor!!! This sucks so bad. I mean with him getting paid every two weeks, and with me not working. We are barely hanging in there.

But aside from that. Today we went to the airport and watched the planes. Stewie loves that. We cuddle up in a blanket and sit on the hood of my car. He mostly stares at the other people though. Hes definately a people watcher.
Still calls me NaNa. Hunny gets to be called Da at least. But Im what I called my crazy grandmother. Lovely isnt it? He can say mama... just doesnt chose to say it to me...

Well like I figured, my dad decided to not call me for a few days and then pretend that I never asked him for the nose job. He's like "So when you getting married?" like i havent told him 89 times. "So what do you want me to pay for? the hall or the cake or something" Im like I dunno dad... I dunno.
He pisses me off. Then he goes off about how he wants to trade in his 2005 car for a 2007 model and how its costing him all this money but its worth it. He always tells me what he spends on himself and how much he makes, but the one time I really ask him for something. Hes just a jerk. I swear its all he talks about is his money. But whenever one of his daughters really needs something, he always says "oh well its been a rough week" or something like that... this from a man who keeps a thousand dollars under his damn pillow for emergencies.
Its so sad to wish you never had to talk to your own father again. But the truth is, I really just have to be nice and hang in there.

Bumpy Night

2006-10-25T13:05:00.000-05:00

OOOOOOhhhh my poor baby. Last night Stewie was cruising around holding on to his baby gate when all of a sudden he trips and his head lays right into the bars.
I thought he hit his face, and since he wasnt bleeding or showing any signs of injury, we figured everything was ok.
So at supper time, Daddy was feeding him and I sat down on the other side of him, and there it was, the biggest grossest bump I have ever seen, right there on the side of my baby son's head.
I almost threw up. His first real bump. It was sooooo much harder for me than it was for him. Looking at it gave me a horrible headache and I quickly gave him some motrin before he got one.

Earlier in the day, Stewie had the runs again. Well he was at the window staning up looking at the trees (this is how he likes to take his dumps) doing his grunting, and I see this stain start peeking through his jammies. It wasnt big, so I let him finish before carefully peeling them off. They were covered in runny stinky horrible baby poop. So I took them off, and his whole back and side were covered too.
I didnt know what to do, I just ran to my bathroom, turned on the shower, threw him in the sink to take off the diaper and socks and then held him under the shower. He let out the most blood curdling scream of his life, and kept going! The water wasnt even that cold..... but I kept rinsing him off until he was clean.. then I wrapped him in my towel and took him to get a new diaper on. Somehow more shit got on the towel, which got on me and my clothes... or was it the other way around? Anyway, I put my screaming kid in his crib, threw his outfit in the trash, turned off my shower, and cleaned my stinky sink.
After all that he still only took a half hour nap... ugh...
I was ready for bed!
Hunny was all set to do yard work when he came home, until he heard about my day, so he said he'd wait and take the baby off my hands. That was awesome until the baby went boom. So can I blame the bump on Hunny?
Sure.

My ear infection cleared up, now my other ear has started throbbing. I have no more antibiotics. Somebody please hit me for being so OCD about picking at myself... grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Today

2006-10-24T12:18:00.000-05:00

Well this morning, some nice ladies came to the house to asess Stewie's skills.
They brought all kinds of toys.
Good thing they were all women, he loves to flirt, but hes not sure of men besides daddy and paw-paw yet...

Anyways he did pretty good. They gave me some ideas on how to encourage him a little more when it comes to doing things himself.

I hope he takes a nice long nap right now. After all the playing and flirting he should.
But that little sucker has a clock in him and he likes to wake up exactly an hour to the minute from when I layed his butt down.
Yawn.

Im better, mentally lately.
I feel less "overwhelmed" but still a little down.
But thats just normal for me.

At least I dont hate Hunny this week. For a good almost month there, I really wanted to leave him. Not for anything he did, just the way I was thinking being off the anti-depressants. I get in those moods...
God, I have it so good with him. It makes me hate myself for thinking tthat way. I mean Im a total bitch to him, he does everything for me. And hes the best father Ive ever known in my life.
I always tell him he should leave me. Find someone who deserves him. He says thats just crazy talk.
But duh..... Im crazy!!

When It Rains, It Pours

2006-10-22T18:12:00.000-05:00

Well I think I Have a stomach bug or something. I feel like Crap.
Went to the doctors on Friday, Stewie has ear infection in both ears. I figured as much, since he was refusing most of his bottles.
So hes on amoxicillin. Which Ive been allergic to for years, so I was scared he'd get a reaction, but hasnt yet.
I gave myself another ear infection this week too. Damn OCD. I still had some drops left over from last time, and I took some of Hunny's amoxicillin from something he had, and thank goodness Im not allergic anymore. We could not afford another doctor's visit for me. Im not covered in any way shape or form.

Anyways its been a tiring weekend. I need to go lay down. HMMMPH

tt#7 (the late edition)

2006-10-20T18:28:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Oddest Looking Celebrities:

1. William H. Macey
2. Lyle Lovette
3. Dwight Yokum
4. Randy Travis
5. Ron Howards brother....
6.Gary Beusy
7. Omorosa whatever
8. Joan Rivers
9. Seal
10. George Bush
11. Laura Bush
12.Leonard Nemoy
13. Donny Walburg

Get Your Thursday Thirteen code here!!

Standing Up For What He Believes in....

2006-10-18T19:07:00.000-05:00

Stewie uses everything to stand up now. He even tries from the crawling position, his little butt goes in the air, but he cant quite make it... He absolutely loves going over to the window and standing up and looking out there. Banging on it and in his gibberish, talking to the trees and the cars that go by.

We let him use the hallway as a free zone sometimes while Im on the computer. I went to make some coffee the other day and I hear him screaming for me. Well I check the hallway and theres my kid standing up at the baby gate like he's in jail... I got a pick of it later, but I didnt get the one of him literally banging one of his toys along the gate. He's a smart little sucker, he knows when he's in jail.

I love that my kid is learning to pull up, and is getting stronger. I love how he can hold on to something and walk to me. Its just a pain in the butt, I cant even go to pee anymore, hes always falling down. Every new event with babies is a double edged sword for sure....

WHAT THE tuesdays

2006-10-17T20:08:00.000-05:00

Should I or shouldnt I EVER in a million years EVER watch this stupid show again? why why should I put myself through it. Why would they show a preview of this season with christopher and lorelai saying they DONT WANT TO WAIT.. you know what that means. All I can say is he better come down with a VERY TERMINAL disease, and his dying wish better be, "gee, lor, i want you to be happy, go back to luke."

END SCENE

damnit

anyway....
Doc's went good. Im back on cymbalta plus the other stuff I been taking for a few weeks.. So hopefully soon things will get better. And november second I have a therapy appointment... so I get to have someone ELSE to complain to...... But I dont know.. it might all come down to me telling her how gilmore girls sucks for the last season and im thinking suicide might just be the answer....
should I be commited???

happy post for sis

2006-10-17T07:24:00.000-05:00

Loves me some rockin horse.. yeah!!!!!!
Stewie can now say (and understand) "Hey Gwynnie!!!" which is our little dogs name...
Going to the docs today, cross your fingers she will help me out of this total complete RUT I am in. I want to enjoy my son and fiance, not wish I could put them in a box and send them to north korea.....and the dogs.. dont even talk to me about the dogs.. my babies I once cherished as if they were brought forth from my womb itself. BLAAAAAAAAAAHHHH to all living creatures in my path.

quote

2006-10-15T21:24:00.000-05:00

"......I've never been able to master the art of being faithful.
Scotty: Oh. That. That's too bad. But then you can't be faithful to anything until you know why you should."

this quote kinda changed my life, in a sence.. it was on "brothers and sisters" last week. took me til now to find it....

uck

2006-10-15T10:49:00.000-05:00

I guess its my turn to be sick. I feel like a big old yucky stinky ass.
And because its hard for me to do anything but sit here and rot, its my fault that Stewie bumped his head earlier when Hunny was on the computer. I said I just need a break, just today. You get to work tomorrow. I Have to be here, sick, dying, with a baby to take care of.
MEN DONT GET IT.
I hate being this depressed. And now sick too. I just really really really want to run away. But I dont want my son to hate me. I never thought I would have these feelings. But I do. I know just wait for tuesday and see what they say about my medication.
I have found that all these thoughts about leaving and starting over happened last time I had a major medicine problem. So if I just stick it out, Ill get better. I have to this time. No matter how much Im hating everyone around me, I have a kid to think about.

TT#6

2006-10-12T20:52:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Things I wish I could do Right Now....

1. Scream as loud as anyone has ever screamed in their life.

2. Mame and murder someone, anyone.

3. Leave it all behind and just run away.

4. Cry cry cry cry cry cry.

5. Stop being a baby.

6. Stop being like my father.

7. Pick up my son and apologize for yelling at him. How the hell should he understand why mommy is so crazy?

8. Sleep for a very long time.

9. Apologize to Hunny for being a major bitch, but then again slap him and poke out his eyes.

10. Stop letting my past RUIN my life.

11. Forget about every single idiot I ever "loved" before Hunny.

12. Kill my annoying dogs.

13. Be a kid again.

Get Your Thursday Thirteen Code Here!

Gilmore Tuesday

2006-10-10T16:59:00.000-05:00

Im writing before the show tonight. Im just not feeling motivated so I know after it I will be asleep real quick. Plus who really needs me complaining about the show anyways? Its going to hell in a handbasket real quick this year.

So today Hunny stayed home from work with a horrible cold that him and Stewie just can not kick.
So we got a few things done and washed our cars. The boys are at his parents house right now, I did some dishes and vacuumed. Im whoooooooooooped.
I think I might make supper before they come home.... that would be a surprise lol. I think it might be the first tuesday Im not scarfing down the last few bites during the intro of Gilmore Girls, so go me.
Anywho I talked to my dad today, who's thinking he's gonna be nice and pay for the wedding and he gives me 50 bucks every month to pay some hospital bills from when I dislocated my knee. Plus he pays my cell phone bill..... WELL (shut up im not spoiled)
So I said hey, you can stop giving me money for the rest of my life, cut me out of the will even, if you get me a nose job before my wedding.
He gave me the "beautiful the way you are, personality is whats important, talk to your shrink" yaddda yadda speech. Then I gave him this: "but daddy i want to like the way i look in my wedding photos."
So he said he'd sleep on it. Please now everyone at once, cross your fingers and do a little prayer dance for me!!!!

K

2006-10-09T18:59:00.000-05:00

Well this weekend I spent at my mothers house. I really needed to be away from the baby. I hated that so much. I feel like I am totally failing as a mother lately. I know its my medication being stubborn and screwing with my brain, but still Im the mommy and I shouldnt need to leave my child because I am about to kill him.
The weekend away was good while it lasted. But Im still very very depressed. I can not stop the crying or yelling and screaming at EVERYTHING.
I really dont know why Hunny puts up with me.
Anyways, Stewie still has a cold, I guess its been a week? Snots arent green anymore though so I guess that means he's ok. But theres still so much up there that when he's not just leaking, hes literally blowing little bubbles out the nostrils. Very fun.
Now that hes crawling around like a mad man, it makes the snots worse so... Lucky me?
He's real irritable too, since hes still sick. And god forbid anyone tries to hold this kid down to suck out them boogers. Im surprised the neighbors havent kicked down the door thinking Im brutally murdering my child in here. He's like that when he gets his diaper changed too. And his clothes. Pretty much anything that has to do with him being on his back.
He's got quite the personality now, and Im afraid it doesnt mesh well with mine. Heh.

TT#5

2006-10-05T11:51:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Things I can't live Without.

1. The son and fiance.. blah blah...

2. A radio that plays music

3. Chocolate

4. cold weather (loves me some sweatshirts)

5. pepsi

6. taking baths

7. primetime tv

8. working anti-depressents

9. chai tea

10. ben and jerry's mint chocolate chunk

11. a hug once in a while

12. mcdonalds

13. my mommy

Yucky

2006-10-04T12:48:00.000-05:00

Stewie's got a cold. A mean nasty yucky cold. Green snots and all. What do you do for a baby whos got the runny nose kind of cold. They just dont make medicine for babies his age.
We are both pretty worn out and irritable today. Poor thing I hate it when my baby cant breathe.

Gilmore Tuesdays

2006-10-03T20:43:00.000-05:00

Ya know something?
The lame, random attempt at humor this episode made me wonder. Are the original writers of this show bound and gagged behind their desks?
Or is it the CW network trying to fish for new fans? People this is the last year of Gilmore Girls, lets not try and spice things up with new love affairs and new plot twists. We are supposed to be wrapping up the best show on tv with a little dignity.

Anyway, on the home front. Everything is making me cry. Has been since I got of the Cymbalta 2 weeks ago. Not only can I cry at the sound of someones voice, but I can wish a bloody, violent death on them at the same time. Dont try getting off of cymbalta cold turkey. Even though they tell you that theres none of the withdrawl effects that come with other antidepressants. They lie.
Im on something for bi-polar disorder now. She said that some people who dont react to antidepressants have found hope with this. Ive only been on it for a week so I cant expect miracles. But if it doesnt kick in soon, either I will be jumping off a tall building, or burning one down.... So hows your day been??

my beautiful boy

2006-09-30T19:36:00.000-05:00

Today was a better day.
Stewie was very good for us.
We had a yard sale this morning.. didnt really do great.
This afternoon I was sitting on the floor with Stewie and reading a magazine. He loves magazines cuz he can crumple them and shove them in his mouth and rip them up. So all of the sudden, the kid starts crawling like a maniac towards me. YES my kid crawls!!!!!!!!
I started screaming and crying and since I did that, I probably scared the hell out of him cuz he hasnt doesnt since!
Anyway, tonight I rocked my little man to sleep and let him sleep in my arms for a while. I almost started crying again. Sometimes I get so mad because I have to rock him and he cant just play in his crib and fall asleep.
But I havent thought about how lucky I really am. My baby has stayed literally a baby for his 10 months on this earth. Most babies start crawling around 4 months and dont want to be babied anymore.
My kid still wants to be babied, and still needs me to rock him to sleep. Now that he can crawl, it wont be long before he wants to do alot more on his own. Im going to cherish him alot more from now on.

The Difference Between Me and You

2006-09-29T21:16:00.000-05:00

Why is it that men who arent home all day with the baby, think they know exactly what to do with the kids?
Like tonight, I did everything in my power to get Stewie to bed. I rocked him, I sang to him, I walked him around, I put him in the crib with some toys and left the room with him howling.
Then I tried rocking again. He kept squirming around and trying to get free to grab anything he could. So I called Hunny in there and said please take your kid before I kill him. He preceeds to tell me that MY kid isnt tired and that its pretty sad I say things like Im going to kill him.

But then he tries rocking him for a good 15 minutes, screaming and all, before I say "hey why dont you get him up since hes not tired?"
Then I get yelled at again because of what I said earlier.
Im sorry but when you are home all day with a cranky child and you are constantly switching anti-depressants and you are very edgy, its easy to get overwhelmed with baby duties.
And when I say "im going to kill him" sad, or not, I MEAN IT, at that moment in time. And all you need to do is calmly take him from me. Not tell me how sad it is. Not tell me how wrong I am about the situation. Just take the baby and let me be before I tell you that youre next on the list.

TT # 3

2006-09-28T18:22:00.000-05:00

things to do before I die.

Jump out of a plane!
Live in Canada.
Go to Europe.
Adopt a child.
Own a house.
Go to a spa.
Meet Jay Leno. (or at least shake his hand at the beginning of his show)
Own a mustang.
Go to school.
See Stewie graduate college.
Get a real career that I love.
Make love in the rain. (how bout that?!)
Get a psychic reading from Sylvia Brown.

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Gilmore Tuesdays

2006-09-26T20:40:00.000-05:00

Oh yes my friends, Gilmore Girls is back.
But I must say, BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHCK YOU STUPID MOTHER F-ING IDIOT WRITERS ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME KILL MYSELF?????
And what the HELL is up with the previews for next week? I dont care what the fuck the stupid announcer guy says about "new love" ok Christopher is not Lorelai's NEW love. Hes her OLD OLD OLD love and damnit all he is is a thorn in my side and needs to be killed of the damn show.
No I wont stop ranting like this is real life.. to me this IS real life. I have nothing but my kid, my fiance, and THIS STUPID show!
UGH.
And what the hell is up with Luke next week telling her that he doesnt care anymore? what the hell. what the hell.
Im sorry but these people better give me another reason to watch other than to literally sit there and blubber and huff and puff and cry the whole damn show. Cuz thats what I did from beginning to end. And damnit I didnt get one iota of pleasure out of the whole stinkin show.
I have nothing more to say. If you dont like me going on about this on tuesdays, then dont read on tuesdays.... kapish??????

Desperate Sundays

2006-09-24T19:50:00.000-05:00

Well well. I know its been forever.

So before I sit my ass down to watch some Desperate housewives, I will catch ya up on some of Stewies new things.
First of all, he still refuses to fall asleep unless rocked, or his hand is being held. Secondly he sits up by himself now, and since he knows how, he will do it in the crib forever if you let him. So there is no falling asleep anymore. I leave the room and he screams... either I have to lay there with him and hold his ass down, or his daddy has to rock him to sleep.
He can also wave now. He started last week doing it with his whole arm, now its his hand opening and closing. But he kinda does it to himself.
But he's so cute, waving at everything now. The TV, trees, windows.... Everything but people. Well us, but not grandparents or other poeple. Hes shy lol.

Camera Fun

2006-09-20T20:16:00.000-05:00

Does your almost toddler hate the confinement of a highchair?? Just chuck the tray, and pull him up to the table!!

dont forget to put the brakes on....

Does your chiauhua have a fear of eating alone? Let her have lunch next to the baby!

You just fed me WHAT?

I Hate Bedtime

2006-09-19T19:25:00.000-05:00

I used to love Stewie's bedtime!!!
But now that I have to actually sit there with my arm halfway in the crib for almost an hour, its just not the same.
I used to be able to get away with turning on that toy with water that plays music that hangs on his crib, then sneaking out. Yeah he's caught on to that. And theres nothing that Ive tried distracting him with thats worked for more than 2 minutes before he screams for my hand.
It would be cute, but he literally has to examine each finger, and make them bend in different ways and talk to them, then play spit out the paci and make mommy fight me for it, then dont let her put it back in my mouth. Then we start all over. I have such a headache right now.

My mom just said its something I need to cherish since hes growing up so fast. UGH how can you cherish things like this when you are in the moment and you just want to run away??

Party Time!

2006-09-18T12:16:00.000-05:00

Saturday night, Hunny's parents watched Stewie so we could go out for our anniversary. Well I was so pooped from having the baby all day, I said lets just go to the bookstore with the coffee place in it.
We drank, walked around, then left. He really wanted to buy me some kind of dinner, and I wasnt hungry at all. So we went to burger king and I had some fries and acoke. Oh yes. Hunny says Im definately an old mommy now. He could have done anything that night. I just wanted to go home and sleep. I really dont have the drive to go out and have a good time anymore :(

Im exhausted today. Stewie slept in our bed half the night. Ding dong kept waking up screaming for us everytime one of us got him back to sleep. So finally Im like ok Im taking him to bed. I guess he's still feeling insecure today, cuz I just put him down for a nap, and he refused to so much as lay his head down until I gave him my hand. I hate that because I hate sneaking out of his room after he falls asleep. Ok I must go clean something. Ive been so slack lately.

Thursday Thirteen #2

2006-09-14T20:36:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Reasons We are Still Together After 5 Years

We are gross together
We tell eachother everything
We are best friends
We find eachother incredibaly attractive
We've cried together
Open about all past subjects
Know exactly how to get on eachothers nerves
Know exactly how to calm the other down
GREAT sex
We eat at the dinner table every night
He lets me pop his zits
We are completely in love
He's Home to me

"You Little Sucker"

2006-09-13T17:29:00.000-05:00

I talked on the phone with the lady from the child developmental place today. We talked about everything Stewie could and couldnt do. And someone else is going to call me back about an evaluation.

So after that, Stewie spent the day on the floor trying to prove me wrong. He rolled and rolled and rolled all over the living room. He was trying to roll into a sitting position. Couldnt quite do it without my help. After his daddy got home, I was on the couch and they were on the floor. I was talking about the conversation I had with the lady, Stewie looked at me, grinned, and then almost did a forward crawl, then looked again and stuck his tongue out and did his raspberries at me. Like ha I can do it.
He really tries, but he ends up either rolling over, or pushing himself backwards. Or he gets mad and smashes his face into the carpet.
Right now he's dancing like a crazy man in his johnny jumper. Heres a little peek.

Water Baby

2006-09-10T18:40:00.000-05:00

Stewie went swimmin at his friend Austin's house today. He absolutely loved being in the water and splashing and kicking his legs.

Two words:

Flava Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave!!!

So it Could Be...

2006-09-08T15:28:00.000-05:00

Well I had a nice chatty chat with the doctor today. We came to a conclusion that Stewie should go see a muscle specialist, and she gave me the number.
She said there's tons of muscle problems out there, all those "distraphies"
I said yeah my sister had some weird muscle problem too. Didnt walk til she was three. But we just thought Stewie was being slow.
So it all makes sense, I mean if hes really got some kind of muscle problem that can be fixed with some therapy. Everything makes sense then.
Even the gassiness. I mean muscles are in there too ya know. And the not smiling til he was 5 months. The eye problems. It all adds up. Always trust your mother's instinct. You're probably right.
Now lets hope theres something we can get accomplished when I call there to make an appointment.

My First Thursday Thirteen...

2006-09-07T17:58:00.000-05:00

Im not sure how this works exactly yet.. but Ill give it a try.... this weeks topic: 13 reasons I have a headache today.

Stewie doesnt like to take morning naps anymore.
The idiots nextdoor never fix their fence and the dogs are running wild making mine bark like crazy.
Im the only person here with crazy dogs and a crazy baby until usually 5pm every day.
I have to take Stewie for shots in the morning.
I want fast food for supper.
Because Im starving.
I probably didnt drink enough water today.
I couldnt find a hammer so I had to use a screwdriver.
My hair is up too tight.
The baby wouldnt finish his bottle so he went to bed probably hungry.
Cant decide which frozen meal I should eat for dinner.
Hunny just started laundry, like I didnt do it EVERY DAY THIS WEEK BUT TODAY!
I still have my period.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

S'more Teeth

2006-09-07T17:46:00.000-05:00

Yeah the top two toofers in the middle cut today. I was thinking the sides are supposed to come first but I guess not.
Stewie doesnt like to sleep anymore unless Im sitting right there next to the crib. So before the 20 minute nap he takes everyday, I sit there and stare at the floor while he plays with his feet, blankie, lovey, paci, until he falls asleep.
THEN at night I have to do it all over again. Unless Hunny decides to do it himself, but he cheats, he rocks the boy to sleep.

Anywho, Stewie has also had another personality change in the past week. He throws fits now. Not little fits. He gets this high pitched squeal goin when I leave the room, or he cant reach something, and then it turns into an all out wail. Its even louder and worse when daddy leaves the room.
Still no sitting up from the laying position, or not pulling up from sitting. Doesnt crawl yet either. He can sort of get around by rolling, and crawling in circles.... but he doesnt use his legs just his arms. Hes probably got some problem. Which would just be awesome.
We've got our appointment in the morning for his 6 month shots. Yeah thats right 6 months. He's about 10 months old. But those idiots at the docs office like to slack on schedualing things...Whoa I spelled that wrong but you get it.
Luckily we are switching Stewie onto Hunny's insurance next week. The only problem with that is, we have no money as it is, so this is going to bleed us dry. I am so sick of scavenging around here for food its not even funny. Do you want to know what I would DO for a Whopper right about now???

Sanity over Family?

2006-09-06T19:22:00.000-05:00

This post will be clearly not about me or my son.
I usually dont complain about family on here because I use this as a journal of my adventures in mommyhood.... (where have i heard that phrase before?)
Ive got a dilemma that I would (well wouldnt) like to share. But where else can I just get this off my chest.

My sister, lets call her Leach and her boyfriend, lets call him Toe Jam, have been living with my mother free of charge since my sister found out she was pregnant.
Now Toe Jam thought hed be all manly and take care of his "family" and get a job with my moms fiance. Which said fiance was happy to have him along.
While leach sat on her ass getting fatter, Toe Jam worked less and less and played more playstation, and talked to tons of awefully cute 14 year olds on myspace.
Now my mom and her fiance had their talks with Toe Jam about his laziness. They asked him to start picking up after himself, maybe go to work once in a while.
Which in turn he took as "attacks on him" and complained to Leach.
Leach decided long ago that my mother didnt love her and that it was her job to always buy her things and basically buy her love. Support her when she had no where to go, and mother always did.
Well anyway, today my mother had it and told Toe Jam to get out by the weekend. So Leach decides this means my mother wants her and the baby to die. She throws anything and everything she can find at my mom and her fiance then runs outside screaming "you hate me and my baby"
Now I said this little fit is just because my mom yelled at her boyfriend and her pride is hurt.
Leach was never told she had to leave, or that she wasnt loved.
These two "children" are ungreatful, lazy pieces of crap. If it wasnt for my mom feeling so responsible I would literally kill my sister.
My mother is caring and nurturing and always ready to put you up when you need to get on your feet. Thats exactly what she did for Leach and Toe. For too long.
If Leach wants to run away and live with Toe and his daddy, good for her. My mom will feel guilty and have to get over that. And sooner or later they will both get kicked out of there too. No one wants to let two ignorant lazy fools and their offspring (god knows how many innocent lives they will unintentionally bring into this world) live with them for long.
My poor mother is right this minute trying to have my call my sister and calm her down because she is in her room crying. Its tearing my mom apart to hear her cry and know she caused it.
I want to not call my sister. I want to kill my sister.
I hate her for what she puts my mother through and I hate her for bringing a baby into this world with someone just as lazy and retarded as she is. I hate her.

The Croc Hunter

2006-09-04T12:17:00.000-05:00

In case you havent heard, he's gone.
I dont know, I wasnt that big of a fan.
I LOVED his accent and his bouncy fun way of doing EVERYTHING.
He was funny and exciting and did what he loved.
He left behind his loving wife and two beautiful babies.
We will never see him on Jay Leno scaring the hell out of him again. God this is just sad. It really makes you think, as all deaths do. I dont know.
Hug your babies today. You never know if they will have to remember you through other peoples eyes someday.

All Is Well

2006-09-03T13:26:00.000-05:00

Got it yesterday. Why does it always seem when your period comes late, its heavier to make up for the few days you didnt have it?
Oh the cramps.
Gifts of midol and chocolate can be sent to the appropriate adress. thank you.

Stewie has just learned how to drink from a straw. Since he was about 2 months old, Hunny has been taking juice with straws and putting a little in his mouth for him. Hunny is a big juice drinker. Well today he just gave the cup to Stewie, he chewed the straw for a few, then got to sucking. He's been letting everything fall out of his mouth so far, but Im sure by the end of the day we will be able to get a sippy cup with a straw for him. Yay!!!
Cuz Im so desperately sick of trying to tip his sippy cups for him, he just doesnt get it.

He Sat Up

2006-09-02T16:44:00.000-05:00

Granted, he was lying face down, on top of one of his legs, so that made it easier. I'll probably never see him do it again for a while though so Im very excited! Its funny. I was recording him for a good half hour this afternoon. Ten minutes after I turn off the cam corder, the little sucker sits up.
Oh yeah, still no damn period.
Ive been getting cramps at least once a day, but I mean I got them when I was pregnant too. So Im all very muchly disturbed at the moment.
Hunny says not to worry until theres something to worry about. Hunny isnt the one waiting for blood to come rushing out of his uterus.
I think I might have a UTI which could probably cause my period to be late right? Sure, its possible. Im grasping at straws people.
I know I know Im only a few days late. But last time I said that.. well you know. UGH
Its just that I Never Ever got heart burn ever in my life until I got preggers with Stewie. And I been getting it alot lately. And I promise I will get my period tomorrow.

They Work

2006-08-30T19:22:00.000-05:00

I looked up the statistics on condoms when used properly.
They work.
Now Im supposed to get my period any day now. Although sometimes it takes up to a year to get regular after having a baby.
All I know is, Ive been dizzy, pukey feeling, and having headaches, and feeling extremely tired for almost a week now.
But Im just getting over a cold.
CONDOMS WORK.
Tomorrow we will all laugh when I blog about how I got my period in the middle of the night and bled all over the sheets... dont worry.

So...

2006-08-29T19:26:00.000-05:00

Not alot happens during the week.
Stewie isnt doing much new.
Still napping pretty weird. At this age I guess babies are supposed to be cutting out a nap or two pretty soon. Well Stewie likes his 3 one hour naps just fine. In fact, without them, I dont think he could function.
I dont think I could either. I have always taken the morning nap with him, but now I take the late afternoon one too. I like the middle one to myself so I can catch up on the soaps.
Yeah not much cleaning house goes on here. I get my share done though. Every couple days I do a few loads of laundry and give the living room a good vaccuming. And I clean the kitchen at least every other day. Uh huh Im a good little housewife... now go make me a sandwhich bitch.....

43 Things

2006-08-27T18:22:00.000-05:00

So over at 43things.com Ive got my list. Im up to 15, but thats enough. Its hard keeping entries on things that you have NO IDEA how to fix or get started on. The one Ive managed to get writing about is my OCD. Which is always fun to talk about.
Anyway thats what Ive been thinking about today. That, and my wedding. I was thinking about a way to incorporate loved ones who have passed away into the ceremony. Like with pictures or a slide show or something. I just dont have any idea one what to do. But its the only idea Ive had by myself on this friggen wedding. That and the fact that I want to wear a simple lacey sundress, and probably go barefoot.
Stewie's been a handful the past couple days. Teething and always tired, even after those three naps a day. And I read that at this age they might only need one. Not Stewie.
Well I could write a bunch more about how he actually says "mama" now.. not to me though, but hes being a butt hole in the kitchen while daddy is trying to cook so I better go try and keep him occupied.

Oh Yeah

2006-08-24T20:00:00.000-05:00

As if I could let you people forget.
9 months ago TODAY I had a little baby boy named Stewie.
It feels like Ive had him for a lot less time than I was pregnant. And I was only pregnant for 8 months.
I'd like to get all sentamental and put a pic of him then and now... so let me find some....

OOoooof...

2006-08-24T19:52:00.000-05:00

Well today was a long one.
Stewie and I spent the better part of the morning and early afternoon at his friend Morgan's house. The babies played, and the mommies talked weddings.
This chick that I always do playdates with, lets call her Judi, is helping me plan my wedding. I guess I really like the help. I dont know, I wasnt really going to plan anything. I knew I wanted it at a park, and then rent a legion or something for the reception. But this chick had a real fancy wedding. So I guess she feels its her duty to make sure I have my dream wedding on a shotgun wedding's budget.
Judi is awesome though. Im very greatful to have a nice friend like her. Very nice, girly person she is. Unlike me. So we kinda clash. But in a way thats good right? I enjoy her company. If only because we are both chicks with babies, and it gets me out of the house. I like her.

Ok well then I had to go across town to get my meds refilled. Stewie slept the whole way. We spent probably an hour and a half there. Then went to walgreens to call in his prescription for his allergies. Went to grocery store, then back to walgreens, then home.
Busy busy long day. Momma needs a long rest. And a foot rub. Any takers??

PMS

2006-08-22T13:58:00.000-05:00

I should be pms-ing for another 2 weeks. But it feels like EVERY little thing is pissing me off. Really, honestly, if somone other than my son was here, I would kill them. Oh yes. Just to kill them. Im THAT mad.
I dont know why either. UGH.
Stewie is about to wake up, better make this short.
Ive got nothing much to say anyway. Just been hanging around the house, doing some lazy housewife stuff, trying not to become a child-beater. Ya know, the usual.
Just thought I would write so ya'll dont think I jumped off the roof. Not that jumping off the roof of a trailor would do much more than break my ankles... Owch

Baby's Day Out

2006-08-18T14:06:00.000-05:00

Well Stewie decided this morning that a half hour was totally long enough for a nap. So I decided we would take advantage of the low humidity. I dusted off the ol baseball cap, packed a diaperbag, and we headed out the door. We spent the morning at the park. And even though I was deathly afraid of ANYONE talking to us, I did good. Only a grandmother asked his age, and then walked away, and a foreign guy with two boys asked if he was a boy. So luckily I didnt have to talk much. Especially since the foreign guy could only speak english in one word sentences.
I was going to take Stewie straight home, but once in the car he didnt want to nap. So we went to the thrift store and I got a few shirts.
I feel very productive today. Although outings in public always give me a splitting headache. Specially when I am alone without Hunny. I just feel like everybody is watching me and thinking, "what the hell is her problem"... I know it sounds wierd but thats just the way I am.
But yeah. I need a nap!!

The Day the Music Died

2006-08-17T20:30:00.000-05:00

Or just the King at least.
Yesterday was my birthday. The big 24.
We didnt really have money to celebrate. We took the baby and went to his parents house for some dinner.
I have a terrible sore throat. Is that a sign of whats yet to come in the 24th year of my life?
Probably.
Stewie's been pretty good lately. I guess he's not going to be popping anymore teeth soon. He's still got aweful runny stuffy nose all the time. That zertec aint workin one bit. I even use benydryl with it too. Sure Im overdosing my 9 month old, but I want him to breathe and stuff.
I krept into the crib with him during his late afternoon nap today. I figured it would help him sleep longer. It did, he slept for 2 hours. But I noticed that he has horrible breathing problems. I think this congestion shit is giving him sleep apnea.
I might start putting a pillow under his matress to help him breathe better. The only problem with that is he's constantly rolling around in his sleep now and he'd be off of it in no time.
Thats another thing, they say that once a baby can roll around in his sleep, its ok to let him sleep on the belly. Well my bright as a lightbulb child likes to sleep with his damn face smooshed in the matress. I always have to go in there when he starts whining, to move his damn head to the side. Ugh.

Blah

2006-08-13T19:06:00.000-05:00

Well today my mom came up to visit. Its always nice to see her interacting with Stewie. My sister and her ding dong boyfriend came too. Since shes been pregnant, theyve both been leaching off my mother. Lovely people that they are.
Then Stewie and Hunny went off to a birthday party. It was his first time in a pool. I had to miss it of course but I just watched the video.
Ya know I just dont have much else to say.
We rented a few movies last night. We've only watched one so far. Kicking And Screaming. Its so not worth your money. Well any Will Ferell movie isnt worth your money, but especially this one.
Tonight we are going to watch Kiss Kiss BangBang with Robert Downy Jr. I am looking forward to that. Its I think his first film since the getting sober. He's such a brilliant actor and with this new wife of his keeping him straight, I think he might make it.

Its Been a While...

2006-08-08T22:01:00.000-05:00

But Im here now, dry your eye.

So we've still just got two teeth.
Stewie has been taking 15 min naps all day again. Little weirdo. But he's not half as cranky as he's been lately, so go figure.
He's at the point (at 8 months) where he can roll either way at will. So he's all over the damn crib at night. Thats what wakes him up 80 times looking for his paci. And its just awesome at 3am when he's flung it through the bars and its ended up under the crib. I love moving it to get the paci, then sucking all the nasty ass crap that should be vacuumed up, off it to give it back to my sweet sweet little angel.
Anywho
It was the middle of the night when my chiauhua had a monster of an asthma "attack" and started hacking and coughing. I had to scoop her little fat body into my arms and shhh shh in her ear and rub her back. It took about 20 minutes before she calmed down enough for me to put her back under the covers to go check on my son.
As I looked into the crib, at my little man, (well his ass sticking out of the covers) with his blankie over his head and the whole front side of his body pushed up against the bars facing the wall, I thought, "Ya know, I am your mommy, but Ive lost sight of the fact that Im the doggies' mommy too. Sure we all neglect our "babies" ones the real babies come. But its times when the little suckers are sick or really need us, when we remember how we felt about them before the thought of procreating (for a reason) even popped into our minds.
I love my Gwynnie, even if I want to KILL her most of the time.

And Finally.....

2006-08-04T15:37:00.000-05:00

I cut a finger open yesterday. Didnt know how. Pissed me off though.

Today Im giving Stewie some motrin because hes complaining like I just made him eat dog poo and hes got a tummy ache....
So Ive got the surringe (omg sp) in his mouth, and its scraping up against something hard.
Im like wtf, so I put my finger in his mouth to see what the hell he put in there now, and there they are. Two beautiful teeny tiny sharp as hell little teeth. On the bottom in the middle. Where we werent looking by the way. We've been thinking hed get the bottom sides first cuz its always swollen there, but lo and behold, Ive cut my finger on my sons two first teeth. (I hope cuz if not, where the hell else did I slice this sucker?)

By the way of my last post, I shall be leaving you all warm and fuzzy thoughts tomorrow or tonight as my back is killing me at the moment and my darling son hasnt slept all day.
(Meg you doll, you always get me!)

Warm and Fuzzy Feelins

2006-08-04T14:02:00.000-05:00

From The Pajama Mama

We’re so quick to point fingers, place blame and criticize the people in our lives. It’s easier to point out a fault than it is to praise a strength. It’s easier to mention something that needs to be done better than it is to acknowledge something that’s been done well.
Therefore, I christen today (and the next few days) “Bloggin’ Good Blogger Days” in the blogging community. Your mission, shall you choose to accept it (and you will), is to go to as many blogs as you can and point out at least one good thing about the author of that blog. Do your best to give them a warm fuzzy feeling. Show your appreciation, admiration or plain old joy.
Tell them why something they did touched you, why a choice they made shows the true fabric of their moral being. Just go BE NICE to every blogger who’s blog you read today. And don’t be shy, either!!
Plus, post an entry similar to this one on YOUR blog and ask people to leave warm fuzzies in your comments. Spread the love, people!
Maybe if we take a week to engage in warm fuzzies, they will become a more permanent part of our daily lives, both on and off the computer.
In review:
1. Leave me a warm fuzzy in my comments.
2. Post a similar entry (or copy and paste this one, giving credit) on your own blog.
3. Leave a warm fuzzy on every blog you visit today.
4. Sit back, read your own warm fuzzies and feel, well, warm and fuzzy!
Enjoy

Stewie

2006-08-03T20:18:00.000-05:00

Today was weird. Stewie wouldnt go back to sleep at 5am when I took him to bed with us. So we got up and did the normal routine. Went down for our nap at 7 insead of 9. Well since he got up so early, he slept for 3 HOURS. Oh yes. It was a much less cranky day after that. But his afternoon nap still only lasted an hour. So after that we were crank-a-butt once again. At least I knew I didnt get him switched at the supermarket.
Ya know, this kid is amazing me everyday. He can totally sit up on his own without falling over, for almost 2 minutes. But when he does fall, he tends to try and hit the nose head on..... (trying to stunt the inevidable growth of the family schnoz already)
Still hates being on the tummy. When he rolls on it by mistake he kinda laughs and looks all around. But then hes back to my son. Screaming and smushing his face into the floor. He acts like he wants to get up and run aaway when someone is holding him. But when hes got the chance to try and crawl or scoot, hed rather just throw a complete tantrum.
Im baffled everyday by how strange he is in certain aspects of his life.

But then I cant stop kissing his neck while I hold him and saying "i love you" 18 million times a friggen day. UUUUUUUUUgh how do you deal with the love you have inside sometimes!!!

That reminds me. Stewie likes to tip the sippy upside down on his tray while Im washing dishes. Which is just wonderful. Well today he got the tray completely full of water. So instead of freaking out, I started splashing in it. And he just had a huge laugh, and then joined me. Hey at least part of the floor got a good washing huh?

My Poor Baby

2006-08-01T11:41:00.000-05:00

For a few weeks, Stewie has had these horrendous allergy symptoms. We got him on zertec friday. I dont know how long its supposed to take to work, but I even upped the dose from 1 half teaspoon a day to 2. Its Tuesday and he still cant breathe out of his ever flowing runny nose.
I dont know what to do. No matter how much snot I suck out of there and no matter how much stuff I spray up in there, nothing works. And now the kid is afraid to be layed down because it makes the breathing worse.
I need a mommy pill.

Aint It Funny

2006-07-30T18:08:00.000-05:00

How a night out drinking can cause three girls who barely knew eachother to become lifelong friends? Why do they have to live in Indiana??????

A Social Phobe's Adventures in New Mommyhood: The Flirt Mode

2006-07-29T17:40:00.000-05:00

well i sent this pic and a few others to the talent agency. wish us luck. but with that face im sure we dont need any! Im not being vain at all either. I mean if I didnt give birth to him myself Id wonder if he was my baby! Hes way too pretty! A Social Phobe's Adventures in New Mommyhood: The Flirt Mode

Oh Family...

2006-07-29T17:33:00.000-05:00

We had Hunny's fam reunion today. And if you know me, well it was pretty scary. I spent most of the time outside with a few select members to chat with. Its so much easier for me to get out of the shell in front of 3 people than with a whole huge reunion of people.
I thought having Stewie would have made me be more sociable, I mean I have to talk to people when they ask questions about him, but Its still so hard and I mostly just answer with one or two words and quietly walk away when they stop talking to the baby....
Well for the first time since Stewie graced us with his presence, we are going out. Since a few members of the fam from up north came down we are going to go out and have hopefully enough drinks to where I dont worry about the baby. Hunnys sister will be watching him and her granddaughter while we all go out. Im letting him sleep right now as long as he needs to, cuz I know he wont be able to sleep much once he gets with the other baby and his auntie.
Well I hope I have fun.
If I dont write tomorrow, its cuz I had too much fun and now Im paying the price AND taking care of Stewie.....

Funny Dogs

2006-07-26T20:40:00.000-05:00

I read a bunch of blogs. Mostly blogs about mommies with babies.
It always amazes me how come babies Stewie's age do things so much faster. Yeah he was a month early, but even if he was only 7 months old right now, he'd still be a little behind.
Now what happened today might seem a little strange to you. Your bundle of joy might have done something like this in the 5th month. But my Stewie did it at 8 months and Im just so excited.
He was in his bouncy, which he hates sitting back in, and always tries to sit up and ends up falling out, the tv was on and i was trying to feed him a bottle while watching Days Of Our Lives. Because I multitask like that.
Well on 2 different commercials, at two different times during the hour, there was a dog. One was a big dog, and one a small dog.
Each time, Stewie looked at the dog and started giggling.
He does that with our dogs. Theres nothing they dont do that he doesnt find totally hilarious. (Yes even the x-rated things they do lately)
So when he sees a dog on tv, and knows what it is, and it connects in his head that dog=funny, I dunno it was kinda awesome to see that.

A Social Phobe's Adventures in New Mommyhood: Where I'm From

2006-07-24T22:07:00.000-05:00

A Social Phobe's Adventures in New Mommyhood: Where I'm From

A dog in heat...

2006-07-24T19:49:00.000-05:00

Will do anything to get some.
I dont have much to say about mommy-dum today, but Ive got a story for ya. Sorry no pics, I was laughing too much to think.
My female chiuahua has been a humper since she was probably 2 months old. One night I was sitting on the couch with her, and she got on my arm. I thought how cute, shes gonna wrestle me.
HAH
This little dog started humping the hell outta my poor arm, who by the way was a virgin until this malicious rape incedent.
I started screaming for hunny. I said "its a boy! this dog is a boy! his penis must be hidden!!!!"
But, no penis was ever found.
After that, she took to humping Hunny only. And only his arm. He would shake her off but sometimes he just had to give in so she would stop bugging him. Hed go get a certain green flannel shirt so she wouldnt claw out any arteries.
Everytime she saw him come out of the bedroom wearing that shirt, she'd hop on the couch and start jumping and panting. Sometimes she'd "hop on" before he even got to sit down.
Then at a certain point, I think after she started getting too fat, she was no longer satisfied with the arm. She started mounting feet. Which was more convenient for Hunny at least.
And after a while, it was anybody's feet. Someone she'd never seen could come over and sit down, and shed mount happily.
Now this is not only when shes in heat. She usually just humps for sport.
But after she gets her period, shes very very very horny. She even humps me. Usually she prefers the more masculine thicker leg...
Well the past few days, shes been trying to tempt our pitbull mix. Hes a big baby whos been fixed for years. Hes not used to her jumping at his face and sticking her butt in his face. He will growl and jump up and run to another room.
Today he was lying behind me in the computer room. Gwynnie trots in and starts scratching at his face. Well he was too worn out to get up and run so he just layed there. Gwynnie took it as a "green light" and started humping his pooor head. He even let her do it for about 5 minutes before hes like damnit woman get off me.
Its not easy being a little chick in heat. But its also not easy being a fixed doggy and having this little dog humping you and trying to intice you into humping her. I mean he probably doesnt even know what the hell she wants him to do. Poor thing.

The Flirt Mode

2006-07-21T20:29:00.000-05:00

Stewie has decided, when we are in public, he must be a perfect angel and giggle and smile around any woman.
At my appointment today, a lady said "Oh he must be a good baby all the time!" Im like yeah of course he is....
I swear its like as soon as we are alone, chuckie comes out to play!!!
I mean there are those moments that he will laugh and smile at me and do that clicking sound with his tongue, so then I will too. Those are the moments I live for. And when we dance to his song before bed, its like I dont even remember how horrible he was that day. I know I know thats how all mommies feel. Its just weird to me how I could get so upset at someone and want to throw them out the window, and then just melt completely when they smile.... Ok I have felt that way about his daddy....
Anyways, because of my little flirt, in the past two days we've gotten these comments: "Oh now look at you! You deserve to be in commercials!" and "Well shouldnt he be the next Gerber Baby!"
I am seriously thinking about sending some of his pictures with them big blue eyes to a talent agency. I mean if total strangers who would normally stick up their noses at me, stop and tell me how friggen adorable this kid is, who knows.
Well they changed my meds today. Ive tried just about every antidepressant in the world, so they put me on this new stuff called cymbalta... wish me luck!

2006-07-18T18:28:00.000-05:00

Today was exhausting.
I use the words "burnt out" alot. Too much. But tonight I mean it.
Maybe its the fact that the sun turns our little mobile home into an oven everyday. You know it got to like 96 degrees here today. Two more degrees and I'd have to make fun of Nick Lache just for the hell of it.
Stewie really didnt want to nap at all. He took his morning hour long nap, and was up at 9am. But he didnt seem rested at all. So at 12pm I tried to put him down and for an hour I was back and forth trying to get him to sleep and trying to clean and just trying to sit down.
He was like that all day. Sleep a little, then be awake and tired and grumpy.
Its really starting to piss me off that when I put him down, he will scream and not take the paci. And he stiffens up his whole body and just lays there and screams. Then he will curl up his legs and try and hold them to his chest. (this is when he will briefly take the paci in his mouth) But he gets mad, slams his legs down and spits out the paci to start screaming again. He does this like 50 times before falling asleep.
I got bit by a little black flying ant, on my asscheek today. I never thought the black ones bit. THEY DO and it hurts and stings just as much as a red one, so dont be fooled.
Im sorry this is just complain complain.
Actually no, Im not. I dont force anyone to read this. oh my god hes up again.

So it finally happened....

2006-07-17T19:47:00.000-05:00

I have been maliciously tagged for a MeMe....
When I tag YOU, you may blame Meg
Im just kidding Im sure this will be fun....

Here goes...

Five things in my closet:

Clothes that I hate, but wear, because I dont have the money to get ones I hate less.
My dresser that I've had my whole life and I will never ever get rid of. Although someday I hope to refinish it so I dont see all the cheesy crap my sis and I wrote on the back and sides when we were little.
Winter clothes in a big tupperwear thingie.
Hunny's halfway decient t-shirts.
Tons of shoes Im too lazy to wear. ( I think I've only worn the flip flops I bought when I was pregnant last summer since it got warm out)

Five things in my fridge:

Old sandwhich meat I need to think about throwing out.
PEPSI
All Hunny's different weird flavors of juice.
Stewies leftover baby food that probably needs to be thrown out.
A bunch of beers and wine coolers that are way old. And some Smirnoffs (sp) I recently bought but have forgotten to drink.

Five things in my car:

Ummm carseat.
Extra bag of clothes, diapers, toys.
Pic of Stewie (in case someday hes NOT in the backseat while Im driving.)
Minnie Mouse necklace/watch thingie hanging from the mirror.
Annoying old scent freshener thingies in both side pockets of the doors that roll around and scare me constantly when they bang. I really need to think about throwing them out.

Five things in my purse:

My purse doubles as a diaper bag, so diapers.
Extra kid outfits.
A bunch of different lip glosses and chapsticks that I forget to use.
Pens. Always need a pen.
I guess my wallet with my license is very important huh?

OK ding dongs get ready. Im going to randomly select and innocent member of my blogroll.

:::::drumroll please:::::

Kell :) Pink Champagne, You have been tagged!!

Careful What You Wish For

2006-07-14T18:57:00.000-05:00

If you keep complaining that you're fat, then the powers-that-be will strike you.
Today was Stewie's eye checkup.....
I had to park on the upper level because I have no power stearing and I cant park anyways so I need to be away from cars.
So I park, (crooked and in two spaces....) drag out the stroller, get my kid in there, get all my stuff orginized, and push us to the elevator. I push the button, nothing happens, I hear some guys yelling to eachother from inside, I look and realize that the van parked in front of this area says "elevator maitenance" OKgreat. So I hike around the parking garage and try not to run myself over pushing the damn stroller down the damn hill.
We get to the office and check in, where the receptionist kindly tells me that my appointment was yesterday, but if I want, I can sit and wait two hours for the doc to be free. I kindly made another appointment and left.
And pushed the stroller up the hill, around the garage and to my car.
Then I was tempted to just go home but I knew I must go on and finish my errands. To the post office we go.
So people who work at the post office are very self absorbed. There was a line, and two chicks were working. Well one of them decided she didnt feel like calling the next person in line just yet. No she wanted to like put stamps on 50 things and like i dont know, look at her nails.
Luckily I didnt get her. But the one I did get pissed me off. The lady in front of me got a book of stamps. The chick at the counter showed her a choice of like 3 books, and the woman pointed at the ones she liked. So I go up and say in my cheery fake voice "i just need a book of stamps please" The bitch slaps the first book on the counter and asks me if I want a receipt.
Now Im sure shes had a rough day, and just didnt like me. But I dont like people in general and she just enforced one of the reasons why.
The day wasnt a total bust. I decided to walk the baby down to wear I used to work (in the same shopping center as post office) and get some coffee. I chatted with an old friend for a while and fed the baby.
Wow my arms hurt from driving without power stearing. ok is it stearing or steering????? OOOOOOOOOOOh Im tired.
Stewie took his first EVER two hour nap and I actually had to wake him up at 4:30 so he would go to bed tonight. But I think he thought he was going down for the night and thats why he didnt wake up a half hour later.... boy That was a long blog.... Seacrest OUT

Where I'm From

2006-07-11T19:48:00.000-05:00

I saw this in a post a while ago. Im sorry I dont remember who since i began this post 2 weeks ago and forgot about it until now. If you have posted a "where Im from" i probably got it from you and i will make a note of it in my next post. This was fun, and kind of irritating. You would have to read the directions to know what to put where. Id be really thankful for someone to point out where they came from because i honestly dont remember. (Mommy brain) here goes:

I am from an old rusty swingset, from grape KoolAid and secret recipe pancakes.
I am from the _last house on the right, with the scary old lady across the street with 50 cats. And the smell of the woods.
I am from the strawberries along the fence in the side yard.
I am from 4 leaf clover hunting and moley skin. from nana and papa charest.
I am from the anxiety ridden and thrift store shopping.
From dont swear when daddy's home, and dont pick on your sister.
I am from catholic masses, and one day of episcapal sunday school.
I'm from massachusetts churchills, steamed clams, and corn on the cob.
From the cousin who stole cars, then found god, the "possed" giggling sarah, and the nana who told me the sandman was watching.
I am from the "riverside" photo album, and all the pictures with nana's thumb in them, and the school reports on a 5th great uncle who won the purple heart from George Washington himself.

OK

2006-07-11T19:31:00.000-05:00

Is anyone else staying up way passed their bedtime to watch that VH1 pop culture competition??? I absolutely love it. I mean anything pop culture, I totally know. Yes because I have no life...
So how did my interview go today?
Well I got in there and she was interviewing someone else. So I waited and eavesdropped. Well this chick and her got along just swimmingly. They chatted and laughed and she told her about the training and everything. I must have been there 20 minutes before the girl left. So I sit down and she looks me over and basically tells me how the job is for less people than she thought and she just wanted to meet us all today and decide in a day or two. Then she says if I've got no other questions, then she will call me, or not, depending if shes in another state and just forgot... oh yeah she said that.
I dont dress shitty. I mean I dont try to. I cant afford awesome clothes, but I do good at the thrift stores. So maybe I should have been wearing makeup? I dont know. I try so hard to be outgoing during interviews. I guess I just come across as a nerdy poor shy person??? uuuuuuuugggghhh. That would have been the perfect job too. Blah
When I was feeding Stewie his last bottle tonight, I had the hiccups. And I didnt think it was all that funny. Nobody likes having the hiccups. But everytime I did it, Stewie would spit out the nipple and crack up choking laughing. I mean so hard his face turned red! I'd be like ooooooooh mommy funny huh??? ok ok take your ba ba. Hiccup extreme laughter erupts again. It was a looooooooooooong feeding. But it was cute.
It didnt take him long to fall asleep tonight. He's so tired at night because of his shit naps during the day.

myspace

2006-07-09T22:41:00.000-05:00

I have always been against myspace Just mainly cuz the first time I ever heard of it, was on like Dateline or something. They were doing a story on child molesters finding prey on myspace.
So I never made one until today when my sister forced me to. Ok no gun to the head, but you know.
Its kinda funky how you can make the layout and stuff. Just like blogger I guess. I will never link the 2 just because I dont want people to read this and be offended, and I dont want people who do read this (not moms, just weirdos) YES IM PARANOYED, to find out stuff about me through that and come rape me and steal my son to sell him on the black market. I mean come on now, what rich non-fertile couple isnt out there searching for a white blond haired blue eyed baby???????? lmao sounds horrible. Im tired shut up.

why

2006-07-07T20:04:00.000-05:00

Why does my son insist on taking the shortest naps during the day?
And I cant go right no matter if I put him to bed when he starts getting tired, or after he's been tired for a while. Either way he will lay there and scream. Its like he knows its daytime, "so why the fuck am i in here?" But the little sucker will fall asleep on me. Which is something I love and I prayed for during the gassy times when he couldnt lay on his belly. But he needs to learn to nap in the crib, and nap longer than a half hour.
He is just so cranky and overtired all the time. Which makes me cranky and overtired. And I have nothing to do but complain to cyberspace.
Oh and heres some advice. If you think it will be fun to go down a slide at the park, with your kid on your lap, "oh he will love this! first time on a slide" look down at your legs. If your shorts are higher than mid thigh, you might want to rethink the whole slide thing. Ive got the most painful "slide burn" right under my ass.
I hope you gain wisdom from my mistakes. Now go forth, and mother your young.

A Day at the Park

2006-07-05T18:49:00.000-05:00

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It was our first time in a swing!!!!!

We had a playdate with a friend and her daughter. Stewie just absolutely loves these people. Hes such a flirt.

Also new on the front, I have an interview on Tuesday. Actually Im basically hired. We've talked salary, and hours, and location, training... you know.

Its for a certain brand of pet food. I'll go to a nearby petstore and have a little booth or something and tell people which type of our brand is good for their dog. Did I mention its a weekends only job??? Oh yeah....So no babysitters needed my friends. How's them apples???????

Invasion of the Pod People

2006-07-04T18:12:00.000-05:00

Oh thats right, we've been invaded.
I woke up this morning to find an imposter posing as Stewie.
This kid took 2 one hour naps and 1 two hour nap today.
He drank almost all of every bottle.
He ate his lunch and most of his dinner.
Oh yeah, by the way, HE ROLLED OVER

Yeah he did.

I had him on the boppy, on his tummy.
He was looking around and doing some major push-ups.
Im like hey now, I bet if I took the boppy away, you could try and crawl.
So I slowly pulled it out from under him.
He layed there for a minute. Did some more push-ups. Then rolled right onto his back.
This is not my child.

Ohhhh I made this new really good salad today. Italian tortellini salad.
I used all the ingredients too. Usually I dont use the veggies in recipies. But I had never tried artichoke hearts or sundried tomatoes before. Anyway this stuff is really tolerable. God, Im eating like a grown up......

No.... More....Cleaning....

2006-07-03T18:15:00.000-05:00

I have the worst headache right now.
We had to leave for wic about 8:15 this morning. And if you've ever been poor, you know it takes FOREVER at wic.
Then I had to go to unemployment and get a W6 so my doctor would believe Im poor and let me get birth control.
Then I had to get formula at the grocery store.
Amazingly, Stewie didnt have not one single fit the whole time.
When we got home, I layed him down for a nap, (and he actually napped) and I cleaned the kitchen. Then when Hunny came home, I did some re-arranging of the baby's room. Since he sleeps in there now..... ~sniff, sniff~
It took me forever to fall asleep again last night. Its just so weird laying there and wondering if Stewie is ok. What position is he sleeping in? Did I just hear him gasp? Is he still breathing????

uuuuuuuuuuuuugh
Being Mommy Hard

2006-07-02T20:49:00.000-05:00

Hello,
You have been invited to visit a photo album http://s67.photobucket.com/albums/h284/jenbroni82/clothes/

just click on slideshow...
ill be adding more throughout the week. probably other stuff besides clothes too.

sucess

2006-07-02T19:49:00.000-05:00

Well tonight I put Stewie down in his crib. And yes he's been sleeping in it for about an hour now.
Last night he slept in his own room until 3am when he always wakes up and wants to sleep with us.
Im thinking the crib has to be more comfortable than that pack-n-play. Maybe he will stay in there longer. But if he still needs me at 3am I will get him.
I didnt get any sleep last night. I kept just staring at the monitor. And at one point, when I didnt hear him breathing, I got up and went in there just to make sure. Its so much easier keeping your child alive when they are sleeping in your room damnit.

I cleaned my nasty bathroom today. Hunny says if I cleaned it more often it wouldnt get so nasty. I said if HE cleaned it more often I wouldnt have to complain. But I guess my side of the argument doesnt exactly hold up, since we've got seperate bathrooms.
Anyways, I have a bunch of real decent clothes Im going to put on photobucket and if anyone is interested, I'll put the link here soon. I will be very reasonable on prices and shipping. Its just that Im so poor and its impossible finding a job that will let you ONLY work weekends.

His Own Room

2006-07-01T20:29:00.000-05:00

Tonight we put the pack-n-play in Stewie's room.
Its right next to the crib he has yet to sleep in.
I can not believe how fast he went to sleep for me tonight.
He was either really tired, or he's relieved to be in his own room.
In fact. He will probably fuss tomorrow night when I put him in there.
Theres no way he's that ready to be away from me at night.
Hunny is happy he gets to watch tv in the bedroom now at night.
I dont know, I think Im kinda depressed about the whole situation...

ugh

2006-06-29T18:27:00.000-05:00

Well for a while now, the power stearing stuff has been leaking. It got to the point that before I could go anywhere Hunny had to fill it. Well now the hole is so big that it wont hold any at all. I have to get a wic perscription tomorrow and I have an appointment at wic monday. See now I will probably have to get his dear daddy to take me and everything will work out. But I love him to death and everything, but I just hate being alone with anyone in his family. I love them and they love me. But like you know, I've got social anxiety to a T. At family dinners, I sit in the same spot the whole time we are there and dont talk unless Im spoken to. I feel like a complete idiot.
So when his dad has to take me anywhere I just feel horrible.

Ive got some wicked insomnia lately too. Cant fall asleep for hours. I play a game on here and get real tired, then I go to bed and nothing. I even tried taking 3 tylenol pm's. They used to work so good for me. Now they just give me restless legs. Im so friggen TIRED. I have started trying to meditate. I got that meditaion for dummies book from the library. I dont have the hang of it at all yet, but its not helping at all yet either. Its supposed to make you less high strung and make you sleep better.................. blaaaaah to everything right now.
My little Stewie is good. Still hasnt cut a tooth. The little shit wont chew on his damn "chew toys" either. The only thing that makes his gums feel better is human flesh. Thats right. Either our arms or fingers or faces, hes grabbin for em and hes tryin to shove them in his mouth. I guess his fingers just arent as yummy? Oh but he will eat freeze pops when I hold them. SHHHH dont give your baby freeze pops. Bad for them. Stewie isnt normal. I HAVE to give him freeze pops.

Stewie

2006-06-27T19:20:00.000-05:00

hmm now i can pretend i am teething whenever i feel that vile woman needs punishing

So Yeah...

2006-06-27T18:11:00.000-05:00

I dont know. He seems to have had some relapse from "teething world"
For the past like 3 days hes been fine... I think little Stewie is trying to psyche me out. Little sucker.
I got my mei tai in the mail yesterday. From a very nice lady online. She gave it to me shipped for $25. That is an amazing price. And its soooo beautiful. I will have to post a pic of us using it. Its so much more comfortable than that friggen maya pouch sling I had. That thing pissed both Stewie and me off... friggen $58 shipped. Lick me. Im going to stick with wraps and mei tais from now on... Used of course. Brand new those things cost more than what I would charge for sexual favors!!!!!! shhhhh

Motrin, sent from heaven?

2006-06-25T18:09:00.000-05:00

Ok either Motrin is a miracle drug, or my kid decided to stop teething just for the day.
He was still not wanting to eat of the spoon, and he still kept whining and shoving everything in his mouth, but I dont know. It was so much less today. And he just went to bed real good for me.... even though he was exausted because he hates naps when daddy is home.
I think from now on, Im just using tylenol for fevers. I think I just learned one of my first lessons in being Stewie's mom. sweet.