Gilmore Tuesday

Are these people trying to kill me?????????
If they want to keep me pissed until next season they are doing a GREAT job!
What the hell. If Lorelai sleeps with Christopher out of sheer dispair, I dont know what I'll do.
Yes this show is my life. No I dont have friends. Leave me alone.

Stewie hates hates hates being held like Im about to feed him. I always thought it was because he just hates drinking his bottles. But the way he screamed today its like hes got neck or back pain from it??? I know I worry so much Im probably making the kid sick. Its just the only thing that makes me happy is holding him like that, all close to me. I didnt breastfeed and thats the worst decision I have ever made in my life.
Now I think I may need to rant about that. I didnt think I would like being a mommy. I hate hate hate kids. I really planned on his father being more of everything to him. I even said dont be surprised if I leave you guys in the future. I really had myself and everyone else convinced that I really didnt want to be tied down with a kid for the next 18 years. I felt it was the end.
So you can imagine how I felt about breastfeeding. Maybe I thought it would make me way to close to him. Maybe I just didnt want to have to be close. Anyway I just didnt want to.
All those dumb as hell things people say about motherhood changes you, you never realize you could love someone that much~ Well I would roll my eyes when people told me that. And god forbid someone took their little kid out in public. I would loudly go on about how annoying and rude it was. Yes I was that woman.
But its all true. Everything they say and everything you feel, its all true when you become a mom. Ten times more true. A hundred.
So now that its too late. Now that he hates being held that close. Its all I ever think about. And I wonder sometimes about my next baby. Will I breastfeed her because I missed out with him? I kind of dont want to. I mean he is my first baby. The first love of my life. If I breastfeed the next one its like I am cheapening what I share with Stewie. What do I say when he grows up and wonders if he was bottle or breastfed. You werent but your totally awesome wonderful perfect little sister was??????????????????????
Oh my god I am in rare form tonight. Anyway we have to watch a friends dog this weekend. And that was all fine and dandy. But she called tonight, (during Gilmore Girls mind you) and asked if we could watch her 15 year old daughter too. And well why the hell would my lovely hunny say anything but yes? Why the hell would he say I have to ask Jen first? Why the hell wouldnt he say what happened to the grandma she was going to stay with? did she die? does this child not have friends? not have a FATHER? YES SHE DOES she just wants to stay here and bug me and touch my baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am really fit to back hand him if he touches me at all tonight. If he tries to kiss me goodnight Ill probably bite off his nose.