depression, heartache, babies, toddlers, and nipples

Well so far its been the roughest two weeks we could possibly have thought up.

My husband gets laid off two fridays ago. The very next day, as he is at his parents house, his mother's kidneys fail and she is rushed to the hospital right in front of my Stewie.

Now the next week as the doctors say shes not going to make it, I have a total breakdown from postpartum depression. It could not haven been a worse time with my husband back and forth from the hospital, but watching the kids all day long was putting such a strain on me that I literally wanted to either kill them, myself, or run away.

So my mom decided to take me to her house for a week to just get away from everything.

Well that lasted a day, as my husband calls up and says his mom is going to be put in hospice and wont make it a few more days.
So the hour long trip back home began.

The good thing is hes been taking Stewie with him so I only have to deal with the baby. Plus his sister from Indiana is staying with us and Stewie just loves to follow her around so it gives me a huge break.

The baby has decided she doesnt like ANY type of bottle or nipple we give her. Shes taken to the gerber nuk nipples as they are more like breasts, but has decided they are too fast or too slow. nothing in between for this kid. she will either get pissed cuz its too slow. so i give her a faster one. CHOKES, and gets pissed cuz its too fast.

Besides hating meal times, we also hate nap times as well. She would much rather be up watching tv or just being held. Doesnt really like her toys yet.
I have a mei tai which I use while shes sleeping. She hates it when shes awake but its a lifesavor when she doesnt want me to lay her down. Id love to get a moby wrap but those things are way more expensive than a wife of a laid off worker can afford. And making one myself thats a JOKE.

Ah lets see if theres anything else to complain about.
Well hubby's mom has proved all the doctors wrong. She will soon be moved to a nursing home to get the proper physical therapy she needs. Shes still got a lot of fluid on her belly that may go away but will never stop coming because of her failed organs. Its very sad but I hope we get alot more time with her. I am not close with her but very much hoping i can get over my shyness and try.

At church on sunday so many people gave us baby gifts, it was wonderful. I dont know how i will begin to thank everyone. One couple even gave us a $100 certificate to walmart which we happily used for groceries today.
That couple is getting a huge hug on Sunday.

I must go attend to the screamer who ive now named "Bunny"

Hope to talk soon.

Who Gave it?

My sons favorite question. It doesnt matter what he sees, whether its a toy or a piece of trash, or a car going down the street. Stewie wants to know "who gave it"

Now does he want to know who gave it to him? Who gave it to us? Who gave it to the world? Who KNOWS. He just wants to know where everything came from. Especially things that are his. Any particular toy, he will ask "who gave it" for the millionth time since hes recieved the toy.
At this point I will say "i dunno dear, who gave it?" and he says "Probbly Daddy?" or gramma or pawpaw or even me. Then when I sigh "yes probably" he asks "At the store??"

Meaning everything he see's must have come from someone in our family, and they must have got it from the store.

One more toddler rant for the moment...

Stewie must ask everyone whos with him the same question and get the same exact answer from all of us.
Say he wants to know where we are going if we are in the car. "where we goin to mom?" "to the store dear"
"where we goin to dad? the store?"
and if I answer again, cuz daddy didnt hear him, all hell breaks loose.
"DADDY WHERE WE GOIN TO? THE STORE??? DADDY!!!!"

Ugh.

The new baby is doing well. Gaining weight like a champ. Thats because shes always on the boob. Ive never known true isolation like i do now.
Whenever I tell someone that every waking moment this kid is nursing, they always exclaim "how great!!! shes going to be so healthy!"

Ok these people bug me lots. I agree that nursing is the best thing in the world for babies. But if i had known that id never be putting this kid down again, I would have bottle fed her like i did Stewie. YES hes retarded, but extremely smart also. Its a toss up.

So along with being stressed out over having this leach on my chest 24/7 and dealing with a crazy need to know it all toddler, (who refuses to use the damn potty btw) I also have to deal with the fact that we cant get back on WIC til november. So I cant get back on my anti depressants until then.
So Im absolutely nuts. Depressed, crazy, stressed, pissed, NUTS.
I have never yelled at, spanked, and punished my poor 2 year old so much as I have since the baby came.

Gosh I wish I could type funny stories like i have in the past. I just got a comment from something I posted in April. I re-read the post and it was absolutely hilarious. How funny I can be sometimes.
Right now im just down right depressing!!

You know your kid is too old to be in diapers when....
You are changing him at the mall, all the while having a two way conversation with him.

I've got nothing today. Not feeling to creative these days.

Potty Training HELL

I know its time.
I started trying a few weeks ago, I would put some shorts on Stewie without a diaper and he would complain when he felt "HOT" down there... so I knew he peed.

I thought that would entice him to tell me before hand so he could use the potty.
He's used it a few times, here and there, but not without me sitting him on it for a half hour at a time until it comes out.

Today I decided to just do the underwear, and I figured, just one time he pees and it will be all over and the next time he will tell me he wants to go on the potty before he wets himself again. but according to him, its alot funner to pee himself several times, get my awesome reaction, and laugh about it.

I know its basically only day 1 in the official race to potty train my 2 1/2 year old son. But this ONE day has basically driven me to want to run away. How do you mothers do it? He peed on the coffee table twice, the rug once, then sat on the potty til i got more underwear, then peed when he stood up.....

Its like its a little ha ha joke to him.
But hes gonna be 3 in November. Most boys are trained by now right? Or am I doing this all wrong? One friend says Im not trying hard enough, one says let him tell you when hes ready. But I ask him everyday if hes gonna use the underwear and potty today and he says "nope, diaper mama!"
I had to actually force it today, and all I get in return, is spot shot all over myself and the carpet, a pissy windexed coffee table, a load of laundry, and a HAPPY DIAPERED child, oh and my headache...
Did I mention my husband just called and said he wouldnt be home til almost 7 tonight?

sigh.....

Is it OK that he's two and....

Stewie refuses to be potty trained, although he LOVES running around holding his underwear.

He's two and a half, and still needs bodily contact until he falls asleep for naps and bedtime.

He can't eat cereal with milk, it has to be dry.. or else the milk would end up on his head....

Around other babies, hes gotta be holding on to me, just in case they get too close or try and touch him. (He was never as curious as other babies are about other babies)

He's my permanent wedgie, when Daddy isnt around.

I get lots of "Jen he will be 10 and you will still be feeding him. He will still hide behind you around strangers. He will still need to hold mommy's hand to fall asleep."

If I wasnt having another unplanned baby so soon, none of this would be weighing on me so heavily. But now Im starting to wonder. Is my son too much of a baby, for me to be having another one in August?

Is he going to be ok?

Emotions

Ive always been loud and one to express my every emotion to anyone who would listen.
Ive always been emotional in every way.

Except, I dont believe quite so much now that I am in my third trimester of pregnancy with this baby.
I cant even watch my soaps without crying during about half of each one. My son thinks Im going insane.
Other than the constant tears, I get angry worse than before. Which is bad enough because Ive always been the disciplinarian in my family when it comes to my son.

You would think Stewie would be scared outta his mind of me lately, but I think he likes getting getting me over excited. I think he likes it waaaaaay too much.

Party in the Park

Yesterday we went to my best friend's daughter's third birthday party.

It was a beautiful day in the park and the kids got to plant their own flowers in little pots.

Very cute.

I got her daughter a Disney Princess dance pad thingie. I hope she likes it. Shes very into princess stuff. She IS a princess. Very calm quiet and ladylike little girl. My daughter will not be like that. I am not a calm, quiet, ladylike mama. Thats usually what it takes right??

Its probably my own fault my son is loud, obnoxious, and kinda mean. I scream more than he does!!!

Well yesterday was my first day sporting my new blondish (ok orange) hair... I am thinkin I will change it in a few days, but everyone says they like it.. I think they are being nice.....