depression, heartache, babies, toddlers, and nipples

Well so far its been the roughest two weeks we could possibly have thought up.

My husband gets laid off two fridays ago. The very next day, as he is at his parents house, his mother's kidneys fail and she is rushed to the hospital right in front of my Stewie.

Now the next week as the doctors say shes not going to make it, I have a total breakdown from postpartum depression. It could not haven been a worse time with my husband back and forth from the hospital, but watching the kids all day long was putting such a strain on me that I literally wanted to either kill them, myself, or run away.

So my mom decided to take me to her house for a week to just get away from everything.

Well that lasted a day, as my husband calls up and says his mom is going to be put in hospice and wont make it a few more days.
So the hour long trip back home began.

The good thing is hes been taking Stewie with him so I only have to deal with the baby. Plus his sister from Indiana is staying with us and Stewie just loves to follow her around so it gives me a huge break.

The baby has decided she doesnt like ANY type of bottle or nipple we give her. Shes taken to the gerber nuk nipples as they are more like breasts, but has decided they are too fast or too slow. nothing in between for this kid. she will either get pissed cuz its too slow. so i give her a faster one. CHOKES, and gets pissed cuz its too fast.

Besides hating meal times, we also hate nap times as well. She would much rather be up watching tv or just being held. Doesnt really like her toys yet.
I have a mei tai which I use while shes sleeping. She hates it when shes awake but its a lifesavor when she doesnt want me to lay her down. Id love to get a moby wrap but those things are way more expensive than a wife of a laid off worker can afford. And making one myself thats a JOKE.

Ah lets see if theres anything else to complain about.
Well hubby's mom has proved all the doctors wrong. She will soon be moved to a nursing home to get the proper physical therapy she needs. Shes still got a lot of fluid on her belly that may go away but will never stop coming because of her failed organs. Its very sad but I hope we get alot more time with her. I am not close with her but very much hoping i can get over my shyness and try.

At church on sunday so many people gave us baby gifts, it was wonderful. I dont know how i will begin to thank everyone. One couple even gave us a $100 certificate to walmart which we happily used for groceries today.
That couple is getting a huge hug on Sunday.

I must go attend to the screamer who ive now named "Bunny"

Hope to talk soon.

Who Gave it?

My sons favorite question. It doesnt matter what he sees, whether its a toy or a piece of trash, or a car going down the street. Stewie wants to know "who gave it"

Now does he want to know who gave it to him? Who gave it to us? Who gave it to the world? Who KNOWS. He just wants to know where everything came from. Especially things that are his. Any particular toy, he will ask "who gave it" for the millionth time since hes recieved the toy.
At this point I will say "i dunno dear, who gave it?" and he says "Probbly Daddy?" or gramma or pawpaw or even me. Then when I sigh "yes probably" he asks "At the store??"

Meaning everything he see's must have come from someone in our family, and they must have got it from the store.

One more toddler rant for the moment...

Stewie must ask everyone whos with him the same question and get the same exact answer from all of us.
Say he wants to know where we are going if we are in the car. "where we goin to mom?" "to the store dear"
"where we goin to dad? the store?"
and if I answer again, cuz daddy didnt hear him, all hell breaks loose.
"DADDY WHERE WE GOIN TO? THE STORE??? DADDY!!!!"

Ugh.

The new baby is doing well. Gaining weight like a champ. Thats because shes always on the boob. Ive never known true isolation like i do now.
Whenever I tell someone that every waking moment this kid is nursing, they always exclaim "how great!!! shes going to be so healthy!"

Ok these people bug me lots. I agree that nursing is the best thing in the world for babies. But if i had known that id never be putting this kid down again, I would have bottle fed her like i did Stewie. YES hes retarded, but extremely smart also. Its a toss up.

So along with being stressed out over having this leach on my chest 24/7 and dealing with a crazy need to know it all toddler, (who refuses to use the damn potty btw) I also have to deal with the fact that we cant get back on WIC til november. So I cant get back on my anti depressants until then.
So Im absolutely nuts. Depressed, crazy, stressed, pissed, NUTS.
I have never yelled at, spanked, and punished my poor 2 year old so much as I have since the baby came.

Gosh I wish I could type funny stories like i have in the past. I just got a comment from something I posted in April. I re-read the post and it was absolutely hilarious. How funny I can be sometimes.
Right now im just down right depressing!!